Big Happy Beautiful

Happy New Year

2012-01-03T14:26:00.001+01:00

*raises glass* Cheers to a new year, a new beginning, a clean sheet, a mindset, new goals and a new me!

Before I can look ahead to the new year I fist have to look back at 2011, learn from it and put it to rest.

- My weight went up and up and up......a bad diet, almost no exercise and no energy to speak of to change it had a dramatic effect on my weight.

- Physically I went downhill; almost no exercise, no energy, a crooked pelvis and feeling ill quite a lot of the time due to stress.

- Emotionally; too much stress, feeling trapped in work, trying to develop myself.

- Socially; not much going on due to stress and having no energy. I did the birthdays and some social things with friends, but not as much as I wanted to.

- Work; made me feeling trapped. It took over my life and caused a lot of stress.

- Education; I started a new study and I think I made a good decision. It gives me the option of getting out of education and it also gives me insights into myself, my norms and values.

All in all it was not a good year. But it taught me that I need to take and make more time for myself. The balance in my life is gone and I really need to get it back.

So that was 2011 and it can rest now. It's 2012 now and there is work to do. No resolutions, as I explained last year, but goals. Goals give you the freedom to have a bad day, have your ups and downs and still work towards completing your goals.

I talked about Balance. That is the keyword this coming year.

The balance between work and private life is totally gone. The saying 'You work to live' is not applicable to my life. It's more a case of 'You work to live.' Totally unhealthy.

The balance between energy going out of me and going into me is all wrong. Not enough is coming in to get the balance back.

The balance between emotions/feelings I have inside me and what I let out has never been right. I need to find way to express my emotions/feelings better.

So you could say that my overriding goal this year is finding Balance.

And how are you going to get that balance? - I hear you ask. Having a goal is all good and well, but what are you going to do, change in your life? I have thought about that...clever me, ey?

- First of all I will be working less. Four instead of five days. Starting next week, after the Christmas holidays. I'll have to Friday off so that will give me a three-day weekend for myself. To rest, relax, spend time on myself, exercise more but most important get away from work.

- Secondly, I need to get my physical health back. My weight / dress size has to get down and I going back to my healthy eating diet. Due to my pelvis and unfitness I can't go running any more.I'll start walking again, maybe 2/3 times a week. Longer walks are getting back on the agenda as well. To relax my body I will use the Mindfulness bodycheck as much as I can, hopefully 3/4 times a week.

- To combat emotional stress and get emotional balance I will spend time researching and putting to the test Mindfulness. I will express my feelings/emotions more; talking, writing (my romance stories and this blog).

Hopefully these changes in my life will result in less stress, more fitness, weight loss, happiness, energy and Balance.

Looking back on my plans I can think of two words that sum it all up nicely; Personal Leadership.

Back to the beginning....

2011-12-19T18:53:00.000+01:00

Why did I ever start this Blog back when?
What did I want to achieve with this Blog?
How do I want to use it in the future?

All questions I am asking myself these days(, and shitload of others, but not about my Blog).
I wanted a Blog so I could record my weightloss journey.
I wanted a Blog to get in touch with other people around the world.
I wanted a Blog so that I could vent my feelings and emotions during my turbulent life.

I started out doing just that, but over the months things changed. I wasn't writing what I wanted to write and the whole weightloss thing was not going like I wanted it to anyways.
But life is a rollercoaster and mine is almost coming full circle; I really need to get back on the weightloss bandwagon and I need a place where I can let go of emotions.

How I am going to present this in my Blog I don't know yet. Am thinking on that.....I will make plans over the coming Christmas holiday (only four more days.....) and I will present them here.
All I know now is that I need this Blog one way or another...

Edinburgh

2011-10-22T11:31:00.002+02:00

One of the many 'closes' of the Royal Mile. How do you like my tartan winter coat?

Greyfriar's Graveyard; beautifully ghotic and spooky.

Holyrood Palace; the Queen wasn't in this time so we could go in. Very beautiful.

Edinburgh Castle; taken from the Royal Botanical Gardens.

Again the Castle but this time taken from Princes Gardens. The Gardens used to be a 'loch' where the towns water and sewage spilt into.....

We went on a day trip to the Highlands.....this are two of the Three Sisters in Glen Coe. Can you see the snow???

Loch Ness!!! No monster in sight.

Me on a boat on Loch Ness. It was cold and it was raining as we got on. Half an hour later it was still cold but the sun was shining. Welcome to Sctoland!

Snow on all the mountains. Ben Nevis was in the clouds at this moments but two hours earlier we say it's top covered in snow!

Craigmillar Castle- on of the best kept ruins we have ever visited.

Cake decorating workshop

2011-10-15T17:53:00.001+02:00

A beautiful autumn morning

2011-10-13T08:04:00.001+02:00

Change

2011-10-12T11:59:00.002+02:00

At this point in my life, when there are so many other things happening than writing a blog about my life and in particular my attempts to loose weight, it is time for change.
I don't want to completely say goodbye to my first Blog, so I am changing my posts. Instead of long winding posts (that don't always come out the way I want them to) I am going to post pictures of things that capture my attention, that I have done or mean something to me.
Now that my trustworthy Iphone has been fitted out with a Blogger App it'll be really easy!

This was my first Blog, but in the last six months two more have been set up.
One in Dutch (Een Betre versie van Mijzelf), to keep track of my Personal Change and as an online essay on my Personal Change. This is an assignment for the Personal Coach course I am doing this year.

The other one (The Boudoir of Romance) is only a few days old and is a not my first attempt at creating a website like this. It's home to one of my bad habits....romance. I'm a huge romantic and have a (un)healthy overactive imagination. Over the years I have written a few stories and have tried to set up a website before (which failed because I had way too high expectations). This time round this blog's function is to be a home to my fantasies. If other people read it, that would be grand, but if they don't it's OK too.

So, this is where my Life in Pictures starts.

Back to Business

2011-09-02T14:08:00.001+02:00

Three more nights and then it's back to business......I don't quite know how I feel about it.

Last year was exhausting, frustrating and very hard. Things happened to me at school that had never happened to me before. I was seriously doubting myself as a teacher. Just the thought that I have to get back to that makes me feel sick and speeds up my heartrate.

The summer holiday has deffinately helped. I lost most of my stress, I got to sleep to my heart's content (which I desperately needed) and I got to get my head around all of it (at least almost). But still there's some worry, some itch, some doubt lurking.....

7 weeks is a long time. Two weeks spent in a wonderful place leaves 5 weeks of doing whatever you like, whenever! It's bliss, but it gets a bit tedious after about 5 weeks.....So structurally doing stuff is not such a bad idea, just not 100% sure it needs to be teaching. Plus, I could do with 2/3 weeks more to really really really truly relax and rest.

One of the upsides is that I am starting my Personal Coach Course soon. I have all the material at home and I have already read 2 of the 6 books! One of them about Personal Development and that has inspired me big time! The 7 habits of highly effective people- Stephen R Covey. (Find more about that on my other Blog) I'm ready to put things into practise. I'm ready to learn. I'm ready to start walking the road that will lead me away from teaching. At least partly. Oh the joy!

All in all, with this going through my mind it is rather difficult to honestly answer questions like: 'Are you ready for this year?' by my Headmaster. So I just shrug my shoulders a bit, smile warmly and say: 'mwaa, a bit...'
What else can I say? Lying is not an option, don't have to explain why. Yet telling the absolute truth will place me in not such a favourable light, I think.
Luckily he didn't really listened to my answer and started talking to someone who walked in.
Still I need a good answer. The question will come up at least 20 times more coming Monday. Not that I need an answer to convince myself that I really am ready, I know I am not, but more something that will satisfy the questioners and will keep me from lengthy explanations.
What about......'Almost ready.' ...or....'Just about ready.'
Let's see what pops out of my mouth on Monday.

I'm in luuuuurv....sigh

2011-08-18T22:28:00.000+02:00

With Slovenia!!!!!
What a beautiful beautiful beautiful country! Incredible! We had a wonderful time there.
We walked/scrambled up parts of mountains, bathed in an ice cold river, went up to 2200 metres in a cablecar (eeeek), saw gorgeous gorges, visited sleepy villages, made beautiful walks, visited castles...

Let me just show you.....

The beautiful river Soca.

The gorges at Tolmin.

Me, at 2200 metres and the gorgeous views in the background.

More river Soca, but at another point.

The Postojna Caves. Like stepping into an alien world. Or into Lord of the Rings territory. A mine! they call it a mine!!!

Predjamska Castle. Build into the rocks. A castle like I have never seen before.

Lake Bled. Taken from the castle.

Lake Bohinj. Also very beautiful.

Taken from a rickety wooden walk bridge (think Indian Jones) on a walk near Bovec. We had to cross two...I am afraid of heights....

The castle in Ljubliana. Big, but redesigned, which has taken away much of the history and atmosphere. The old city is a lot of fun!

Me, walking through mud and rocks of a landslide. After an awesome storm during the night we came across a few of these on the road.

Well, these were just a few of the more than 1200 pictures we took. If you really want to understand what I mean you have to go there yourself! It's brilliant!

Time flies when you are on holiday!

2011-07-22T21:37:00.000+02:00

And having fun!

The first of seven weeks already gone! Wow! Now I can hear you all think; seven weeks!! What is she complainging for??
I am well aware of how lucky I am to have seven weeks. I am also well aware of the fact that working in education means you bloody well deserve the weeks! Haha!
Anywho.....I am not complaining, just observing that time flies. I feel like I just had a normal weekend, but it's been a week already! Crazy!
But what a week! A perfect week to start the holiday, that's for sure!
Sleep over at my sister's. Going to sleep at 2 AM.....uuuhm, last time I did that was.....I can't even remember!
The day after the concert of a lifetime.... Take That in the Amsterdam Arena! All five of them!! I still get emotional thinking about it. I sang and screamed (with joy) myself hoarse. I danced, clapped and threw arms up in the air until my whole body ached. I laughed and cried (the first time ever during a concert) from happiness at seeing them together again. The show itself was incredible, as it always is with TakeThat. I just can't put it into words. Even with Robbie sick from food poisoning he was brilliant.
On Wednesday I had a 'double' date with my best friend Kim, her boyfriend and my finacee. We went out for diner. We had fab sushi! And then to see the last Harry Potter movie. The end of an era. If you think about it, it's pretty special. We were here to witness the birth of an international classic. In 20 years time kids who haven't read Harry Potter will be told; Shame on you. It's part of your upbringing!
I won't go into why I liked and disliked the film, enough to say I would have done it differently, but I'm no film director.
On Thursday I started my new exercise routine for this summer holiday; walk about an hour every day. Why walking and not running? I know I could eventually do the running thing again, but somehow it's too high of a moutain to cross right now. So I'll walk. After the holday I plan to use a Personal Trainer to get me back into the running. Hoping that the walking will have done me some good.
During the day I do some shopping, read books that are on the reading list of my course, watch Le Tour de France and generally relax. Bliss!
On Sunday another friend is coming round, I might bake something; cookies or rubarb crumble.
And next week we'll be going on to Slovenia.....Can't wait!

Also other great plans are taking shape for September; a 'ladies' night (nudge nudge wink wink) and a cake decorating course. Fun fun fun!

Life is good.

7 weeks of bliss!

2011-07-16T19:03:00.000+02:00

Or in other words....the summer holiday has started!!!
And like every year round this time; I was ready for it! I need it! Dead on my feet. My whole body aching. Emotionally drained.
And like every other year; I am full of plans and have a To Do-list the size of a novel.
It's not going to work of course. So what would be the right thing to do? Down sizing my ToDo-list, for a start. Get some sleep and energy. Enjoy my holiday!
Where to start? What to do? What not to do? I have been thinking on that today; the first day of my holiday.

Starting point: getting some rest, relax and get back my energy. Letting go of work and spend my time doing things I like doing, things for myself.

Do: start running regularly again, go on holiday, read, walk, eat healthily, spend time with friends, start on my new course, experiment with new recipies.

Don't: plan too much in a day/week, think of work too much, ignore family and friends.

Hope: better weather! ;)

Tropical Heat

2011-06-30T13:56:00.000+02:00

Temoperatures above the 30 C and being overweight don't go together very well.
Not for me, at least.
They haven't been compatible, ever, at least for me. Even when I was thinner and not overweight. When temperatures reach 25 C or higher my body shuts down. I need to take afternoon naps, I feel bloated, I feel 20 years older than I am......Not my thing.

Another outcome of summer weather is that I feel FAT!!!
During the winter and spring I can handle myself, partly because of the way people dress, I guess. But when the summer arrives and everybody starts wearing those lovely dresses, skirts and tops that I want to wear too, I feel fat. That is when I really start to 'SEE' myself in the mirror and I don't like what I see.
I know I shouldn't compare, and I am not really comparing myself to others, but other people make me take a good, honest, critical look at myself. I don't like what I see.
I have let myself go these last 8 months or so. Time to step up my efforts to get back into shape. Shape in all meanings of the word.

All in all, two more reasons to get my butt into gear!
I'm not doing too bad on the food front. One of the positive sides of summer is all the delicious fresh fruits that are available. I am taking some (herbal) pills to stimulate my metabolism. Mine works on a incredibly low speed.
The exercise front is a real problem. Long days at work make it almost impossible to have enough energy to exercise. I feel bad about it, but at the same time I know my limits. Luckily, good times are around the corner. Just a few more days and then I'll have plenty of time to run and walk! Every day if I want to!

Almost at the end.....almost there....two more weeks.....(not that I am counting or anything...)

Just a Quicky!

2011-06-20T10:14:00.000+02:00

Nothing much is up at the moment. Really, just living the life; going to work, chat with friends, seeing family, read a bit, cuddling with the finacee on the couch and starting my new Blog.

Yes, a new Blog. In Dutch, to track the progress I am making on Personal Growth journey that I have started this week. It was high time I started doing that, but since it is also a part of the Coaching Course I am going to follow, I couldn't delay anymore.

So far, I have been looking at my personality type through Enneagrams. If you know what they are, I am a type 4. Knowing this has given me reasons to my behaviour and knowledge about what drives me.
It's wanting love and attention, all the time. It's wanting it all and 100% and the best of the best. Obviously, I can't and that sets me up for dissapointment. Again and agan and again.
Emotions and feelings ar emy biggest friend and enemy at the same time. All my emotions and feelings go inwards, not outwards, making dealing with them easy and hard at the same time. I tend to overanalise my feelings and make them bigger and bigger in my head. Inside I am huge drama queen, on the outside I look as if I handle my feelings very level headedly. Not a good combo.

Anyroad, like I said, just a quicky. So I need to get back to my work, there's a pile of it on my desk.
Just four more weeks.....I can do this!

Looking inwards

2011-06-12T21:18:00.000+02:00

After last week's decisions that set me on a new course, this week it was time for some internal changes. Not that I was consciously working on them, but things happened that set it into motion and it actually feels rather natural to be doing it.

So what happened? Nothing earth shattering. I went shopping with a colleague. A slimmer colleague who went into shops where they sell clothes I can't get into but that I adore!!
I went from uninterested to jealous to revolted with myself in the space of an afternoon. But it's OK. I feel as if this is the right time to feel this way. I feel that I am mentally in a place where I can accept the revulsion and do something about it.
Looking back I can see that it had been coming for a while now but I needed that shopping spree with my colleague to bring it forward.

I did enjoy the shopping, though, I had a good time. In the evening my fiancée and I went to a comedy duo's show and we had a lovely night. We were supposed to go on a long walk today, but unfortunately my fiancée has to work a night shift today, so no long walk. We had a short one this morning, but I do miss him now. I really looked forward to the walk.
I felt gutted about it yesterday when I heard. To be honest, I was slightly depressed and bitchy about it. ;) Yet, it's OK now. Being alone this evening has given me the time to set my plans.

Another set of plans to get fit and healthy and to loose weight. But this time I will NOT get on a scale. I will NOT measure any body parts. This time it is only about how I feel, physically and emotionally.
This time I will have the benefit of doing a course at the same time. A course that will have me dig into my emotional self and grow as a person.
Exactly the right conditions for me to maybe finally do something definite about the weight and my health.

Hopefully, in a year, when I have finished the course, I will be able to say that I am (almost) the person that is lurking somewhere deep inside of me.

A new beginning

2011-06-04T16:53:00.000+02:00

Have you ever had a period in your life where everything you did or decided so obviously seemed to influence each other and things seemed to click somehow?
I had that this week.

On a professional level I have decided which direction I want to go in and I have enrolled myself in a one year 'self study' to become a Coach. It involves a lot of reading and 'self study', but also 10 Practical Meetings, a theoretical exam and two papers. Quite a bit to take on, but I am going to get the theory in book form soon and the Meetings don't start until October, so I will have time to some 'self study' done beforehand. One of the papers will have to be about your personal growth during the study and you will also have to be coached for at least three sessions.

For me this study means a first step in a new road to my future. A first step in the final stages of getting over the burn-out. It will probably be rather emotional but I am not scared of that. I realise it will probably get difficult, but I don't mind. I feel ready to take it on. Making the decision to actually do the study has lifted a burden of my shoulders. I feel so much better now that the decision has been made.

Doing this study next to full-time job will mean I will have to sacrifice something, in this case, the swimming. On Monday evening I will have to tell the people at the swim club that I will stop being a coach per October 1st. It really breaks my heart since I really like the people there, but if I want to finish the study I will have to quit. It is going to be a tough meeting on Monday.

Not swimming, means that I will have to do something else for exercise. I have been trying to get back into the running, but so far not much luck. Tomorrow morning I am getting back in the saddle, so to speak. I will have to start at the very beginning again (can't even run for two minutes any more!!), but I've done it once, so I can do it again!

Luckily my working hours are now somewhat ;) lessened so that I have more opportunities to run. Which means I can get back into shape, loose weight, get healthier and feel better about my own body.

On the subject of work, I will get a permanent contract as of August 1st. Which is good, because that means security. Security I need before I can change my job bit by bit after the study has finished. It also means that I could possibly use my new study/job in my current job. Win win! :)

Last but not least, some social activities (party and lunch) with friends also gave me some peace of mind, cemented the feeling that I am making progress and also showed me that there is more progress ahead!

A visit to the psychologist topped it all off and gave me a little nudge and another affirmation that I am going in the right direction.

I am doing good. But it is me that has to do it.

Progress

2011-05-23T13:43:00.000+02:00

Oh joy!
The exams have started! Which means I have 12 free periods per week! Oh the peace and quiet! Just a shame that tomorrow is the English exam and I'll have to check 76 of them!!! Then again...I've got plenty of free time to do it in!

The weather is helping along my progress too! All though I wish I could be outside more. Sitting inside and watching the beautiful weather go by is a bit sad sometimes.
The good weather has also tempted me back to running. Well...running....I can't find a better word for what I am doing, but I wouldn't classify as running. The most important thing, though, is that I am doing it! But, oh boy, it's hard!!! I used to be able to run for about 35 minutes straight, now I can't even do two minutes yet! But I did it before, so I can do it again!
Good weather also means walking! Me and my finacee did a 19 KM walk last Saturday which was gorgeous! It was in a part of the Netherlands I had never been before (Twente), but I definitely want to go there again. Even better, if I were ever to win the lottery I would buy an old farmhouse and live there! Peace and quiet in abundance!

Also progress on my plans for the future. For the immediate future it means that I can't wait for the summer holidays to start so that I can finish my current home study and after that start a new one.
For the next three years or so it means that I will do two or maybe three homestudies. As soon as I have finished these I want to slowly switch careers.
The end result? A total carees switch with different endings. Who knows were it may lead.

Slow progress on my diet/food plan. I know what I want to do, but I don't have enough willpower yet to stick to my plans completely. At least I am doing something and that's better than nothing of course.

It seems to early summery weather has done me a lot of good. What about you? How does good weather change your life?

A drop into the abyss known as frustration.

2011-04-28T20:26:00.000+02:00

After that incredible high I had after the Easter weekend I dropped like a brick back onto earth and beyond into an abyss knows as frustration. The biggest frustration being work.
Frustrated because of teenagers I really don't understand. Their mentality is alien to me. According to a colleague the mentality in question is what people in this region are known for. Be that as it may, I can't seem to deal with it. Before coming to this school I wasn't frustrated with difficult teenagers, but now.....I dread going to work every day and putting so much energy into keeping up a front of cheerfulness and calm. It doesn't always work, though and at the end of the day I am knackered.
There is an upside to this, though. I have experienced a whole different side of myself last weekend. A relaxed and happy person, full of energy. She's still there. I can still be me. Now I have to find a way to bring her out to play some more! ;)
Another upside to this week; I've made some proper plans for the future. I have decided that dreaming just won't do. I need to at least prepare myself for the ideal job I would like to have. I know that will be something very far away yet, but I can at least spend time studying and researching.

Some minor ups; I have started my 'diary' again. I need to get into a habit again, that will take some time, but at least I have started.
Second minor up; just one more day to work until the Spring break!!!! And what a day! One with a Royal Wedding which I hope I can show on my electronic whiteboard. *fingers crossed*
Another one; I have booked a little wooden hut in Slovenia for my summer holidays.

Plenty to look forward to, plenty to work on.

Easter weekend

2011-04-25T21:26:00.000+02:00

The warmest Easter EVER!
At least, in the Netherlands it was. Gorgeous weather! Not too hot and a little cooling breeze!
My Easter weekend was rather nice, partly due to the weather of course! But also because of doing nice things, and being able to relax some more.
Relaxing is the key to getting everything back on track at the moment. It helps with getting my body healthy again and gain more energy. It also helps getting me emotionally healthy again, although that isn't going very fast I must say. One little step at a time.
The weather, though.....is enabling me to take some bigger steps! *huge grin*

On Saturday I visited my grandparents, my mother's grave and saw my sister's new play, Happiness. Based on the movie, by the way. Very interesting and heavy.

Sunday was spend relaxing at home (mostly on the balcony), doing stuff around my flat and having the first BBQ of the season at my parents in law's house.

Today we went walking. Another first of the season. We decided to walk through the woods so we would be sheltered from the sun. Good choice. The walking was great! Beautiful woods!
Am trying to upload some pictures, but somehow it isn't working!! *grmbl* Shame, we had some of ancient grave mounts. We saw about 7 or 8 of them. Very interesting. They were there even before these woods came into being. You start thinking about the people who were buried in there and how they lived.
Now we are hanging on the couch. Tired, but good tired. A bit sore, but good sore.

Tomorrow, 'real' life starts again. Back to the Egg Lists / To-Do-Lists. Maybe even starting on my Food/Exercise/Emotional Diary. We'll see.

Good night!

Can't think of a title.

2011-04-21T09:02:00.000+02:00

What a week!
Oral exams for the fourth years. The second years are doing projects for 2 days of the week. The weather is still beautiful. I feel a lot better. The only pitfall now is that I let myself relax too much and do nothing.

The weather really makes me want to stay home from work and just sit and read, or walk. Just 5 more days and then it will be May-break. One week of doing almost nothing! Bliss!

For today, though, these are the things I want to do;
- Walk. I've got a nice little tour planned. Will take me about an hour.
- Use my free periods well! School work instead of Farmville, Blogspot, Facebook or Google.
- Make myself a healthy cold pasta salad to eat for tonight.

Spring spring spring! Wonderful Spring!

2011-04-19T12:38:00.000+02:00

Isn't it lovely out??? The sun is shining beautifully. Making everything look extra colourful and attractive. You can almost hear tree/plant buds exploding with leaves and flowers. The birds are singing their little heads off!
IT'S SPRING!!! And I love spring.
It makes me happy, active, restless, romantic, eager to go outside and not work, be healthy......too much really. I have to be careful that I don't want to do all of it at once. I have to really enjoy the things that I do. And the Egg system lets me do that. For example yesterday, I achieved all my Eggs. I wasn't stressed out by the pupils, let other people take control of the filming so that I could just be the coach and therefor I was able to enjoy it more. And what's not to enjoy with this beautiful weather. (Fingers crossed it wil hold for a while.)

So for today;
- Even though I have a long day at work; enjoy the weather.
- Clear and clean my house for another viewer tomorrow!
- Drink drink drink! (the warmer weather is making me retain water, not very charming.)

Exam week

2011-04-18T12:27:00.000+02:00

It's that time of year again....the hearts of our fourth year exam students are beating rapidly. It's their last chance this year to do something about their average grades before the exams start....

My heart rate is doing just fine.
For some reason I've had the worst exam students ever this year! Lazy, complaining, complacent, critical, not bothered about anything, not doing anything and blaming others. In the beginning I thought it was because I was new to the school and to them. Luckily I am not the only teacher complainning about them. So it isn't me! Pfew!
Still, it's buggung me to no end. I know what their exam is going to be like and I can see that quite a few of them are not going to make it this way. I've told them a thousand times at least, but it wasn't getting through. Until now.....and all of a sudden they need me to do all sorts of things for them. As if! You're on your own now kiddies! I am NOT going to let you stress me out because you didn't do your work! That's one of my Eggs for today, heck, for the rest of the next four weeks even!

Today's Eggs;
- I will NOT let my fourth years stress me out!
- I will drink more. (I really need to drink more, especially now that the temperature is rising.)
- I need to stay positive, let things happen and let other people do their thing at tonight's swimtraining filming.

Feeling better

2011-04-17T14:38:00.000+02:00

Not sure if it's the penicillin, the weather, the hours of sleep that I've had, the walking or the relaxing I've been doing, but I feel better. It's probably a combination of all of it.

I'm still not a fan of the penicillin. I have to take the pill with water, but it just makes me gag! So now I'm taking them with lemonade, a whole lot better. This way I can finish the treatment. Not sure if I'm supposed to be doing that, but it works! The specal nose spray it a whole lot easier! ;)

The weather is brilliant this weekend! This morning we walked our well known round in the dunes and it was lovely. We saw Scottish Highland cows taking a dip in the water (never seen that before) and two sets of small geese ducklings.

After I've finished writing this there are some things I really need to attend to, although I would rather sit on my balcony and read (The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon). Maybe if I'm quick enough, I could still do it. If not, sitting on the couch tonight and read will do just as well.

Back on the Eggs tomorrow. Then again, the walking, mailing and school work are sort of my Eggs for today. There's just no 'need' to do them today. This weekend had one theme; relax. It's going brilliantly!

Tired Egg

2011-04-15T13:52:00.000+02:00

Yesterday's eggs;
It's jinxed! hat's what it is! The ironing is jinxed! It's got to be. Every time I put it down as an Egg, something happens which influences me to drop it from the list and do something else.
This time it was the tutoring. I didn't go last Sunday due to the headache, so I told my pupil to send me some work. I had expected it on monday, possible Tuesday, but no, it arrived last night with a note atached if I could please check it immediatley and send it back the same night. Well...... the pupils even send me a text message and phones me about it!
I wasn't happy about it, but I did it. So no ironing. Again.

Today's Eggs;
I'm shattered. The drugs might be starting to work, slowly, but the headaches and throat ache have taken their toll. Two more weeks and then it will be May break! Just two more weeks.....it feels more like two months!

- Tonight will be all about relaxing. Some reading, watching tv and going to bed early to sleeeeeeepzzzzzz.
- Check mail from swimclub.
- Finish up the marks for the exam groups.

The marks are done. The email will get done when I get home and then it's time......for nothing!

Medical Egg

2011-04-14T19:43:00.000+02:00

Yesterday's Eggs;
Done them all! (Although I did eat a couple of sweets, I did not go on a binge because the viewer turned out to be a new one and not the one from last week.
It feels good these 'Eggs'. I feel that slowly but surely I am getting structure back into my life, but even more importantly, I am getting back some control over my own life.
By getting back control I hope I can also get back into loosing weight again and really put energy into it.
Speaking of energy....I am not allergic. I am now taking a penicillin treatment (yuk, yuk, yuk, yuk) and we hope that it will clear my sinuses. I've realized that with blocked nose and sinuses not enough oxygen is getting through and that is making me feel so flat and tired all the time. So hopefully I'll fel much more energetic by next week. Fingers crossed.

Today's Eggs;
We have had an offer on our flat!!! A way way way too low offer, though, and the woman who came to see the flat last week couldn't offer more. So we had to turn it down. If I had accepted it, we would have been in debt before buying a new house! Not good. But it sure feels good to have had at least an offer after almost 16 months or sale.

- School work. It's a priority these weeks, with the exams starting in a few weeks and everything needs to be wrapped up. I've done some already today and I will get to the rest after I have finished this.
- Walking. Running in somehow not an option right now. My body just totally freezes up whenever I am running. So walking then. I did 4,1 KM.
- Ironing. Will I finally get it done???

Nervous Eggs

2011-04-13T09:27:00.000+02:00

Yesterday's Eggs;
And again, my ironing plans were thwarted by the announcement of a viewer for today! Haha! I don't mind at all. Selling the flat is important right now. Way more important than the ironing, but I would have liked to have done it....
The parent-teacher night was fine. Nice parents and easy-going conversations.
I didn't have any headache, I did have a massively sore throat, though. I don't know what's going on with y health at th emoment, but it's 'bugging' me to no end!

Today's Eggs;
It's all very exciting today. Another viewer, well eactually the smae one as last week. She's coming around for a second viewing! Eeeek! Fingers crossed.
I also will find out if I am allergic to anything today. I hope it will be nothing serious, but I also hope it is something so it can be fixed!

- Call GP for test results.
- I wil not turn to food if today's viewing will lead to nothing.
- I will participate fully in today's First Aid class.

Working Egg

2011-04-12T10:36:00.000+02:00

Yesterday's Eggs:
Don't ask me how, but I got them all done.
The GP told me that I might have allergies that cause the blocked sinuses. So I went to the 'Vampires' at the hospital to draw some blood. The results will be in tomorrow. In the meantime I have been given a special nose spray that should open everything up. So far, I don't feel any different, only thing that changed was that my nose wasn't blocked this morning. I had been snoring something dreadful, though, according to my finacee. I feel sorry for him, but it's not as if I can do something about it.

Today's eggs:
Are all work related since I will be at work till 7.15 tonight. Parent-teacher night. Luckily I only have 4 parents that want to see me.
- Check tons of tests.
- Fill in marks. Check! Have done that already!
- Do the ironing. Probably going to do that when I get home tonight.

Painful Egg

2011-04-11T10:39:00.000+02:00

Well, Yesterday's Eggs slightly changed;
I didn't do the tutoring. My head was splitting apart and was looking cross eyed from pain. All I wanted to do was sleep. So I took a soothing warm shower and went to bed. I slept well. Snored a lot too according to my fiancee. ;) Have been snoring quite a lot lately. At least he says I do.... This also has to with my sinuses. Bloody things!

Today's Egg;
- As I said yesterday; go to see my GP. I have phoned this morning and I have an appointment this afternoon. A half cooked egg.
- Doing the laundry. Haven't had time to do it this weekend. The first batch is spinning around as we speak.
- Sending a mass mail to the swim group. I should have done it two weeks ago, but it kept slipping my mind. Probably lost in the goo in my sinuses.

Not feeling very brilliant at the mo, but the head ache is just a small dull ache in my temple now. Fingers crossed it will go away!

Healthy Eggs

2011-04-10T16:41:00.000+02:00

Two action packed days later and I have found some time to sit and write a short blog.

Friday was jam packed with loads of stuff. There would have been no time to do any eggs, let alone think of a few, plus the day was one row of eggs to be done. It was nice, though. The people I invited to my birthday party came and the evening turned out pretty good. So did my cakes, especially the cheesecake one.
We went to bed about half past twelve at night. That's quite late for us......it had been a while since the last time we went to bed that late.

On Saturday we slept late and left the house for another party at twelve. I spend most of the day outside in the sun, lovely! At night I watched people folk dance all night......I like dancing, just not that kind of dancing, so I just watched. We were back home at about 1 am. I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Today' Eggs;
- Walk. Since the weather is wonderful and I feel rather unhealthy after seeing all these slender-limbed people dance last night. I though tit would be good to get back into the walking. We did 6,3 KM. So that is one done.
- Schoolwork. Am just taking a little break from doing that.
- Tutoring. I really don't feel like going tonight, but I have made the appointment so I should stick to it, right? Then again, they have cancelled before....

I can already reveal one of Tomorrow's Eggs...
- Going to see my GP about my sinusses. They are giving me headaches, colds, plopping ears, some more headaches....for months now! Not normal I think. Let's see what the doctor will say.

I don't know if I will be going to work. Splitting headache three days in a row now. Needless to say that that doesn't combine well with teenagers. We'll see what happens tomorrow, today is now.

Cracked egg

2011-04-07T15:01:00.001+02:00

Yesterday's Eggs;
Yesterday was the first day that I couldn't do one of my eggs; I didn't iron.
In the afternoon my real estate agent called and told me that there would be a viewer today. That meant that I had to swap eggs. No ironing, but cleaning and clearing the flat.
I did some school work, but not as much as I would have liked. Ah well, everything counts.
The First Aid repeat course was fun, as always. It's much closer to home this year so I was home and in bed at a reasonable time.

Today's Eggs:
- Do groceries for my birthday get together tomorrow.
- Bake a cheesecake and a cake.
- Schoolwork.

I am writing this after the school bell rang and I am free to go home! Run Forest Run! I already did some work during my break, but I really need to do more tonight, while my cakes are in the oven; white chocolate/strawberry cheesecake and a lime cake. Yummmmmm.....

More eggs

2011-04-06T10:14:00.000+02:00

Yesterday's Eggs:
I got them all done! Although I did have a little bit of a problem with the time in the end. I took me till half past 9 to get to my schoolwork but I got one test done.
The cakes turned out beautifully and are cellofane wrapped and ready to go.
I had to get on the computer to find the cheescake recipe but I found it and wrote a shopping list for it.

Today's Eggs:
- Schoolwork, as much as I can do during the day. It's going to be a busy day but I really need to make this into an egg because otherwise I won't get it done.
- Ironing. I've got some shirts I really want to wear but need to be ironed.
- First aid class. The first of three. Looking forward to it. They are usually a lot fo fun. And this time around I don't have to travel far to get there.

I didn't get the job I had an interview for last Friday. I'm OK with it, though. They thought I was highly suitable for the job, but somebody else was more flexible and therefor even more suitable. Ah well. I'll keep my eyes open.

Today's Eggs

2011-04-05T10:34:00.000+02:00

Yesterday's eggs have all been done.
I really didn't look forward to the tutoring, but I went and it wasn't so bad. We had some fun and it earned me some money.
The swim training was fun too. I do this every week and it's always good fun.
The cuddle with the fiancee turned out to be an emotional chat and then some more cuddles which was heavy but necessary. It was good to get things out of my system and the cuddles afterward are always so nice....

Today's eggs have gor to do with my upcoming birthday on Friday.
- Bake two cakes.
- Prepare the baking of another cake and cheesecake.
- School work. (Don't know how much I will get done, but anything will be fine.)

Three Eggs

2011-04-04T15:03:00.000+02:00

Wow! It's been a while since my last blog. I just didn't know what to write about......a bit weird since there was more than plenty to choose from! Maybe that was it, I couldn't choose.

With spring arriving it is time to clean. Clean my house, my head and my body.
To get a grip back on life and staying positive, the sun and warmth is helping loads, I've decided to follow the following strategy; the 3 eggs theory. ( loosely translated out of Dutch)

I could quote you the whole theory but I won't. I short it's just making a short list of three things to do each day, apart from the regular things you do like work. It doesn't matter in what order you do them or on what time or how, as long as you finish them. these 'eggs' prefferable have something to do with goals you have set yourself.
I started yesterday and I did all my eggs. It felt good to have done them.

For today my eggs are; giving training, tutoring and having a good cuddle with my finacee.

I'm going to try and post my eggs here every day and write down what happened to them. If they smashed to the ground or not. ;)
So far I haven't done any of my eggs today. They are all things that need to be done after work.

PS: I am also anxiously awaiting a phonecall from a college I had an interview at last Friday. Fingers crossed.

What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger

2011-01-30T16:38:00.000+01:00

That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
I am slowly but surely getting better at 'surviving' the stress and frustrations at school. Using my diary for structure is going well.
For the last months my weekends have been my own and I needed them to be. The feeling of finishing my last class on Friday afternoon and knowing I can rest and relax for the next two days is wonderful!
Relax and rest is what I do. Apart from some schoolwork, housework and going to the gym. I am really able to rest my body and mind. Especially my mind.

Last week was hectic, but it went quicker and easier than I had anticipated.
Open House night at school on Monday. The night itself was incredibly busy, but the afternoon working towards it was easy going. Had diner with some colleagues, which was fun.
A long day on Tuesday.
The Educational Fair was good. It brought me some good ideas and a precious bit of motivation. It also encouraged me to think about my future; the near and the far away one. I have made some plans that need to go into a MindMap soon or they will blow my mind.
Thursday was another long day with a meeting about the new school building. It looks promising. I don't think I would have designed a school that way, but I think I would like to work there.
Friday brought its own huge pressure in the form of a future changing meeting for my fiancee. It could have been a disaster, and we both hadn't slept well the whole week. Luckily it turned out OK and we have been feeling 100% better these last two days. It didn't kill us, it made our relationship that little bit stronger, I believe. The swim club meeting I had to go to Friday night was a breeze after that! LOL

As you can read on the right, one of my goals is getting healthy. Physically, I mean. Right now, though, I need to get healthy emotionally first, before I can really commit myself to getting physically healthy. Not that I am not doing anything about it, but......I am not doing well either.

Lastly, I am really hoping for another bout of snow, but.......sunshine and spring sound good to me too!

Have a good week!

Two Lives

2011-01-23T14:26:00.000+01:00

It feels as if I am living two lives at the moment. Maybe even more.
The one that is giving me the most grief, the teacher one.
The personal me, at home and at the weekend. But one that is suffering from the teacher life.
And then there is the life that I would like to live. The person that I would like to be. This one makes me happy even thinking about it. It feels relaxed, happy and healthy. Completely different from my life at the moment.
Let's hope it is only a moment in my life. That in 10 years time or so, I can look back and say: 'Yes, that was a dark period in my life, but I came through it stronger.'

This past week I have desperately tried to separate my personal and professional life as much as possible. It can't be done completely, since as a teacher you take some work home with you. Not to mention the extra nights you have to work; parent nights, parties, Open Days.....
I have also come to the conclusion that being a teacher has become a huge disappointment to me. It is not the same as when I started 10 years ago. It is not the same job I choose to do. If I had to choose now, I wouldn't become a teacher. The reasons for me to become a teacher have almost gone. Time to move on.
So therefor I am going to print my CV and take it with me on Wednesday when I am going to a huge Educational Fair / Market / Exposition. The aim of the exercise to leave my CV with companies that I might want to work at. Now I know myself a bit and I think I might be too shy to actually do that. But I could at least write down the names of those companies and mail them my CV.

As I said, my personal life is suffering big time under my professional life. Not good. I can't get myself to go to the gym during the week since I am mentally wrung out and can't get myself into motion.
During the weekend I do go to the gym, for a walk (we started again today) and enjoy my free time. I make sure I don't plan too much into my weekend so I can really relax and sleep. I have decided that instead of going to the gym I at least will go for a walk during the week. Walking is good for the brain.

All in all, my mindset is not well and therefor eating healthily is not something I can do properly. I do try, but I don't always succeed. I snack too much. Need to work on that.

A couple of other things that help me relax;
Music; I am listening to the new Take That album. Have been a fan for about 17 years now! This new album, with Robbie, is just brilliant! It makes me smile and gives me a short boost of energy.
I got the new Adele album yesterday and I need to put it on my Iphone. I love her. She is just amazing!
Reading: Over the Christmas holiday I started the Outlander series by Diana Gaboldon. Loving it! Right up my alley. Perfect combination of history, romance and fantasy. Can't stop reading.

Anyroad, it's going to be one hell of a week professionally. One of those weeks where, at the end of it, you have to explain who you are to your partner.

Have a good week everyone!

Mind Blowing

2011-01-16T14:13:00.000+01:00

Even my fingers feel heavy and won't cooperate 100% after going to the gym this morning! Hihi! Not to mention the feeling in my upper arms......the feel like pudding. I added a new machine to train my arms this morning. Nice!
The work out did wonders for my physical and emotional state, though. Even though I know it works like that, I can think of 10 excuses not to go as well! I'm good at making excuses and a master at saying; 'I'll do it tomorrow.' We all know it never happens, of course. Again, it all has to do with planning and structure. Which is weird, because at work I am rather structured and plan everything. It just doesn't work out like I planned. Why?

Emotions. Loads of emotions, stress and frustration get in the way. They get in the way of everything. They paralise me.
I came to that conclusion at the end of the week. Not that I hadn't known before, but I finally accepted that I worked like that. That doesn't mean that I will just let it be and say: 'It is as it is.'
I can't! I don't like it one bit. It keeps me from reaching goals and living the life I want to live.

I keep asking myself; Why do I take things so personally? Why do I let my emotions rule me? Why can't I do what other people seem to be able to do and let things go? It all seems so easy, but I can't do it.
Maybe I should talk about my feelings more often. I could do that very easily. But I don't want to be a nuisance to people. I don't think my feelings/emotions are all that important, I guess.
Maybe I should go to a psychologist again. Or follow Behavioral Therapy, or something. I read about it, but it doesn't seem like anything that will help me.

Ah well, let's not dwell on it too long for a change. I'll try the talking thing first.

Roller coaster Life

2011-01-08T21:45:00.000+01:00

Like the text besides my Profile picture says; Life is a Roller coaster.
This week was a pretty weird one. One of those roller coasters that doesn't plunge deep and doesn't rise very high, but that has so many bumps that it'll make you sick!

A dinner and movie on Sunday.
School, swimming and some tutoring on Monday. The teaching at school went not at all bad.
Being ill on Tuesday (stomach flu) and going to the parent teacher night anyways. Don't drive when having the flu!!!
Still ill on Wednesday.
Back to work on Thursday but not feeling all that well.
On Friday some students stole some pens from my pencase on my desk!!! Yes, you are reading correctly, they STOLE some pens from me. It's just pens, I know, but they STOLE from me! With the help of a team leader I got three back, but there are still some missing. This is the first time in 10 years that a student stole something from me!
I started my Lifestyle Diary again, which means I also started my 'healthy' lifestyle again. With being ill for a day or three that wasn't difficult. Although I wouldn't say eating almost nothing is very healthy either.
My fiancee is going through a rough patch at the moment and that keeps me occupied too.
Got back to the gym today. It went rather well. I'm glad I went. I feel good, tired, but good tired.
Tomorrow I will finally take my measurements. I forgot last week, or did I? Maybe I just don't want to know.....I just have to be brave and take it like a grown woman!

I had wanted to start the new year slowly and ease myself back into a structure. It started out fine, but on Tuesday any structure I had imagined went out of the window! Ah well, that is life, I guess.
But it does make my 'goals' of trying to get control over my life back just a bit harder to achieve.
Let's see if next week the ride will be somewhat easier.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-01T19:54:00.000+01:00

I would like to wish everybody a wonderful 2011. May all your hopes, dreams, wishes and resolutions come true!

No list of Resolutions for me. I don't stick to them anyways. Just goals. Not many of them either. Two ways to achieve them, tying those goals together.
2010 wasn't a really good year for me. All though good things happened and I did a lot of really fun things, the overall feelings that the year has left me with are stress, pressure, depression and frustration. Not good. It just has to get better. It has to!
There are things I can't change and those are the things that matter the most to me at the moment;
- Still haven't sold my flat. It's been for sale for a year now.
- Still not feeling happy about my job. Would love to something else, but in this current economical climate it's hard to get anything suitable.

These two things seems to influence my life at the moment. It's hard to get away from them too. I'm living in the flat I want to get rid of. I don't feel totally happy there anymore. I want some space!
I work full time. So five days a week I do a job that stresses me out, puts me under pressure and frustrates me to no end!
I can't change these things overnight, or I would have to win the lottery, that would help. Oooh the dreams....
But they have been influencing other aspects of my life quite negatively.
My relationship; I'm mostly too stressed and depressed to really pay attention to my fiancee.
My social life; due to stress and fatigue I have neglected family and friends terribly.
My health; I was on the right track for more then six months, but then it all went downhill.

I miss my old energetic, happy and positive self! I need to get her back!

So.......what am I going to do?
- Get myself a good diary. A big one with lots of space to write everything down; school work, appointments, birthdays etc etc etc. The goal is to structure and organise my time better. To not forget my friends and family and spend more time with my loved ones.
- Start my Health Diary again. In it I judge myself on food, exercise, physical and emotional health. I keep track of exercise, my measureents and other important things that happen in my life.
The goal is to get back on track of the health bandwagon. Get fit again, loose the weight again and feel better.

It'll probably take some time to get it all going again, but the diaries are in place and I really want to change things. And that's just the thing, isn't it? You really have to want it.

Working 9 to 5.....what a way to make a living!

2010-10-16T16:09:00.000+02:00

Sing along!

Not that I work from 9 to 5, more like 8.15 to 15.00 and then some being a teacher, but still, I thought it was a fitting title to this blog.

On the first of October I started at a new school. I wrote about this before. I am ecstatic that I have a new job at a small school, just like I wanted. Yet, starting in the middle of a school year is not perfect. As I knew beforehand and I have come to feel the last two weeks.
I love having a classroom of my own again (with Smart Board), I love the small amount of students and colleagues and the way that all gives me less stress. I also experienced the worst lesson in 10 years of being a teacher. I don't want to go into it, but believe me it really shook me quite badly. It was partly my own fault, but the class was really going for me! It was really personal. I never, ever have experienced something like that before!

It brought back the question that I asked myself two years ago (at the beginning of my burn-out) and also four years ago (when I changed schools); do I really want to be a teacher for the rest of my life? Is this really going to make me happy for the next 36 odd years? Can I do this for the next 36 odd years?

The answer is; I don't know. I really don't. I have many doubts concerning my motivation and my enthusiasm for being a teacher.
There are soooooo many other things I would love to do.

If I was honest or if I had to paint the perfect future for myself I wouldn't be a secondary school teacher. I would still be doing something in Education, because I love that.
I love teaching. Maybe just not adolescents. I call the the entertainment generation. They can't entertain themselves, since they have gotten used to being entertained by TV and computers. They want to be entertained by their parents (and loads of them actually do it!) and teachers as well. I am not an entertainer. I am a teacher.
I love the English language. I couldn't imagine my life without it. It's part of who I am. Maybe I was an English woman in a past life or something.
I love organising. That's why I am doing a home study programme to be an Events Organiser. Three more assignments to do.....
I love designing (educational) materials. I'm looking into a course in that. Haven't found one yet.
So what could I do with that?

Plenty of things!
For example I could start my own business. Nothing wrong with that, but......I can't. Not right now, anyways. I'm the one bringing in most of the money. Money we need if we want to buy a house and start a family.
Or I could write letters to companies that organise Educational Courses. But I would have to be specialised in something, which I am not.
Or I could write a letter to the European Platform (promoting and stimulating language teaching in Europe). But they don't have vacancies and I don't know what I could offer them.

Very frustrating!! It's like having a small midlife crises, though I am not midlife yet. I know what I would want to do, it's just not possible at the moment. I can't see when it will be possible either.

Sigh. So, I have decided to just tough it out for the moment. Maybe I just have to get used to the new school. Get back into things. Maybe my motivation and enthusiasm will come back to me.
In the mean time I am on the look out for courses that will help me reaching my dream job.

Right now I have three tests that need grading. Have a good weekend!

Beauty and the Beast

2010-09-23T21:31:00.000+02:00

Ever since I made the decision to stop frustrating myself with the numbers on the scale I have been feeling on top of the world!
I feel different. I see myself different. All of a sudden I could see the beautiful side of myself. See it and also appreciate it fully.
I am walking with a new spring in my step. I don't mind people looking at me. This is me. Yes, take a good look at me. I am big. Yes, I am. But I am also beautiful! I am proud of myself. This is me. Deal with it!
I'm loving it!

To top it all up I had the best ego boosting experience in my life!
A month ago my boyfriend and I went to an attraction park (Efteling). While standing in line for our first attraction we got talking to some people. A few of them men. At one point one of them men, a short but cute male specimen, turned to me and said: "How lovely. Your boyfriend is wearing you on his T-shirt."
My boyfriend was wearing a T-shirt with 4 Andy Worehall prints of Marylin Monroe on it. I laughed and said: Yes, isn't it?
It wasn't until a good two minutes later that I fully comprehended what he had meant! I got compared to Marilyn Monroe!!!! Marilyn Monroe!!!!! Whaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
We ran into the same guy twice more and every time he talked to me. I just beamed and laughed. I felt beautiful. My boyfriend just chuckled at my reaction.

Now why is this so significant? Because, as far as I can remember, I have never been called beautiful before I met my fiancee. Not even by my parents or my ex-fiancee. I was charming and nice, but never beautiful. So when my fiancee told me I was beautiful I never took him that seriously.
When we discussed this he couldn't believe it. Come to think of it, neither can I. But it is true.
That is why it has taken me 31 odd years to be able to look into the mirror and see my own beauty.

This new insight in myself has also changed the way I see other things of myself.
Clothes for example. I have already blogged about my love for clothes and fashion. I put away all the stuff that is just OK and kept the Perfect clothes. The ones that make me feel beautiful. ( yes, I watch What not to Wear regularly.) Even those make my wardrobe pile out! Hihi. Yet, there is a little room for some new Perfect clothes.
I also now can go to the gym and don't feel silly, ugly, fat and inferior. My fiancee and I go to the gym twice a week. I love running on the treadmill! It feels so much better. I also do 15 minutes on the (vario) Eleptical! Me on the eliptical! I thought it would never happen! But it has!
I feel good walking around there. All those perfect, slim bodies are not making me feel bad about myself. Great!

All this positiveness does have a downside, though. It made me be careless with my food and I gained weight. It's hard getting back on track, but I feel that this is the next step in the process. Getting back on the healthy eating bandwagon. I'll get there. I just want to give myself time and no pressure.
I have come to realize I don't function well under pressure and stress.

The cherry on the icing is the fact that I can start at my new school a month earlier! In a week's time! Brilliant. Perfect timing. Another new start.

How many of those have I made this year? *wink*

I'm done with....

2010-09-04T16:53:00.000+02:00

-....feeling guilty because everybody else is loosing so much weight and I am not!
-....feeling sorry for myself because I am overweight!
-....centering my life around my weight and my body!
-....making excuses for not loosing weight!
-....putting so much energy in trying to loose weight while there is so much more to life!

In the past three to four weeks after I wrote the 'My Body is a Work of Art' piece I've been taking a good look at myself and thinking about what direction I want my life to go in.
I set my goals in order of importance;
- Enjoy life.
- Be happy with myself.
- Get healthy & fit.
- Loose weight.

I've come to see that loosing weight is just a part of the process for me. If I enjoy my life, am happy with myself and the life I lead, am healthy and fit, then loosing weight is an obvious result.
I've come to see that putting most of my energy in trying to loose weight in some sway or other was not letting me enjoy life or be happy with myself. I realised that I was going about it the wrong way.

I also started writing my 'food diary' again. I record what I eat, what I do and score my food intake, emotional state and physical state very day.
To help myself reach my goals and keep myself sharp I set up a To Do-list for myself every week. There can be all sorts of things on that list. From food orientated goals, to exercise goals, to appointments and really things I have to do that week.
It works and it feels good.

As for this blog....it's time to stop whining about my weight and get back to why I wanted a blog in the first place; to vent my opinion, to talk about my life and to just enjoy other people's blogs.

So, let's get to it. To finish this entry off I just want to let you know what is happening in my life at the moment.
- The most important thing at the moment is that I am able to relax at work because as of November 1st I'll start at another school. A new job! Finally, after three years of looking for one. Back to the thing I love best, a small (vocational) secondary school.
Loads of things happened in the first week back at school, but I wasn't stressed at all! I just rolled with it, because in 7 weeks time I won't have to deal with it anymore! Brilliant!
- Exercise wise I am looking into ways to replace the cycling I will be missing when I start at the new school. I have to take the train to get there. The fiancee and I are researching gyms to go to. Maybe I will stop running as such and do my cardio workout at the gym.
I have started swimming again and I have signed up for my first ever Masters Swim on October 3rd! I will swim the 5om freestyle and the 50m breaststroke. I'll probably be the slowest person in the water, but it's the fun that's the most important!
- The weather is changing into autumn; my fav season! I really need to get back into the walking, since nature is at it's best during this time, in my opinion anyways. Maybe tomorrow is a good time to start.

Right people, have a good week everyone!

My body is a work of art; in progress. PART 3

2010-09-04T15:58:00.001+02:00

My Goals according to Step 3:
- Enjoy life.
- Be happy with myself, life and my job.
- Be healthy.
- Be fit and staying active.
- Loose weight.

Now for Step 4 and 5. The last Steps.

STEP 4 MAKE CHANGES (short term goals)

Once you have your long term goals, you can start working on your short term goals that will (slowly but surely) start to change your life.

But how do you start and where?

First research your life. What do you do everyday? What do you eat? Where do you go? etc etc. The best way to record that is to keep a journal/diary. Just write down what you do, what you eat, where you go every day, your activities, your emotions, everything. It will give you a better insight in your day to day life. Once you have that it’s easy to see what the things are you can change and you can start making short term goals.

Also, before you set your goals, research your options. For example you want to change your breakfast routine. What are your options? What does the supermarket/store have? What is there to choose? What are the healthy options?

Maybe your short term goal could be to try three new ways having your breakfast in a week, to see if you like them or not.

Don’t do things you really don’t like or can’t do (yet). You won’t keep them up for long. And please don’t do what other people (celebs, friends, family, peers) are doing, because it’s not about them, but about you. You have to do what suits you best.

Make small changes, they are easier to adjust to. Once you have found what works for you and you have made the change, you are ready for the next change/goal.

Ask for help from friends and family. Be open about what you are trying to achieve and people will be willing to help or at least support you. In the end it is your life and only you can change it but take all the support you can get since that will make the long road easier.

STEP 5 TAKE TIME!!!

I’ve said it before, but it’s a long process. It doesn’t happen overnight, so give yourself all the time in the world. Don’t set yourself a time limit, it will only create pressure and stress.

By keeping a journal/diary you can ‘track’ yourself and see your progress.

Evaluate and re-asses your goals regularly.

Life happens. Things change that you have no grip on. So sometimes you might need to start the whole process over again. Don’t take that as a failure, but as progress. If you never change and adjust, you will never reach your goals.

STEP 6 ENJOY LIFE!!

So once you are well on your way to your’ way of life’ don’t forget to enjoy yourself. Enjoy life. Enjoy your friends and family. Enjoy what you do, who you meet and what you eat.

Don’t feel guilty for a slight deviation from the road. They will make you stronger.

TIPS

- Not everything you read on the internet is true. There is a lot of rubbish out there.

Use the experts when you need them. Doctors (GP), dieticians, life coaches, psychologists….they are the people that know what they are talking about. They can help you on your way and when it seems you need help to get back on the road. Let them help you!

You might ask yourself how these steps have anything to do with loosing weight, but to me it’s quite obvious. Loosing weight (for me) is a combination of physical and emotional factors. Loosing weight is a goal, but part of a bigger plan. Loosing weight changes your life completely and it makes sense to change your life at the same time. It will make you feel better, gain self esteem, make you love yourself and your life and loose weight. It will let you reach you way of life and let you keep it.

*********

For the last three weeks since I wrote this piece I have worked on this change in my head.

I've set my goals, the big and the small ones. I'm keeping a journal. I'm researching things to do, to stay active, to eat etc etc. And I've come to a major change in the way I look at myself. I have accepted myself. Best thing you can ever do, really.

My body is a work of art; in progress Part 2

2010-08-22T22:06:00.000+02:00

First; my homework according to Part 1.

Click on it to see it properly.
Now for Step 2 and 3.

STEP 2 LIVE LIKE THAT PERSON

I am so glad that I followed that friend’s advice and went out. If I hadn’t done that I would still be sitting on that couch, indoors and complain. Feeling like a loser and missing out on the beautiful outdoors, not to mention the positive feeling of exercise.

Now that you have an overview and insight in who you really are don’t let what you see in the mirror hold you back in living your life! Go out there and be who you are!

If you do you will ( I admit) slowly see a change in your mirror image. Maybe not in your actual physical appearance, but in your ‘projection’. You will see yourself ‘projecting’ from the inside the person you are. That builds self esteem. Self worth.

It won’t happen overnight of course. It’s a process that you have to go through. You can’t do it all at once. Take small, attainable steps.

STEP 3 SET GOALS

Set goals for yourself. Two sets. Long term, broad goals. And short term, attainable goals. Never, ever set yourself a time limit. Or if you do, make it one with loads of time, more than you think you might need. You know life; things never go as planned. Murphey’s Law rules us all!

Think of goals for the different aspects of your life that you want to ‘change’. Exercise, food, health, style, job…..

Start with the long term goals first. Make sure they are broad. That way you give yourself time and opportunity to achieve that goal. You can change the road you want/need to take to reach the goal as many time as you want that way. You won’t disappoint yourself easily that way.

Once you have them you can start the short term goals. These are probably the most important ones. Because if you set yourself too difficult goals, you set yourself up to fail, and quit. Not what we are trying to achieve, is it? The short term goals are kind of like the stepping stones to reaching your long term goals. But don’t jump too quick and take the ones closer to you, it’s easier/safer that way.

*****************

I'll show you my goals next week.

My body is a work of art; in progress. PART 1

2010-08-14T23:16:00.000+02:00

MY BODY IS A WORK OF ART; IN PROGRESS.

My steps to loosing weight.

Before you read on, just keep in mind, this is my view and I’m not an expert.

Diet n 1 a specific allowance or selection of food, esp. prescribed to control weight or in disorders in which certain foods are contraindicated 2 the food and drink that a person or animal regularly consumes

Based on these two dictionary entries for the word diet, I have to say that I think the key to loosing weight is making it a combination of the two.

Diet n the specific (healthy) food and drink that a person regularly consumes to control weight

Or in other words you have to find a way to eat and drink that is good for your weight but that is also ‘regular’, a way of life.

Yet, a way of life is so much more than just your diet! A way of life is not something you achieve in a week. It is a process.

process n 1 a series of actions that produce a change or development 2 a method of doing or producing something 3 a forward movement 4 the course of time

Series of actions, forward movement, course of time….exactly the words to describe the way to ‘a way of life’.

Like I said, it’s not just about your diet. It’s a combination of physical AND emotional components that have to work together to achieve that way of life that you dream about.

Everybody that wants to loose weight and is on the road to achieving their goal has this ‘dream life’ that they fantasise about. But I know from experience that you won’t realise that ‘dream life’ just by loosing weight.

Over the years I have read many stories from people trying to loose weight and actually loosing it. I’ve read and tried plenty of ‘diets’. I’ve talked to several dieticians and I have been on my own road to ‘a way of life’ for 1,5 years now.

The following is what I have learned and what I think are the Steps you ‘could/ should/can’ take to change your life (and loose weight).

STEP 1 ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON.

So many people that are trying to loose weight have said that they have this ‘skinny’ person living inside them and that is who they really are. Yet they are not living their lives according to who they really see themselves being. They are being held back by who they see in the mirror.

A bit of a waste, if you ask me, because you are loosing out on life that way. I was like that too. I really wanted to be an outdoorsy type of person, but thought I really couldn’t. I mean just look at me, do I look like an outdoorsy person to you? No.

I complained and complained and never really lost weight until somebody told me; Well if you want to be outdoorsy, go outdoors and do it!

Best advise ever. I went out and I love it. So maybe I’m not as fit as I would love to be yet, but I’m doing it. Maybe I can’t hike as far as I would love to, but I am doing it! I am an outdoorsy person (in progress).

So Step 1, find out who you really are/ see yourself on the inside. Take a good hard look at yourself.

Your strong and weak points. Your good and not so good character points.

Your hobbies; what you like doing in your free time, the types of exercise you like. Your friends and family; what do you like doing with them, how do they see you? Your job; what are your qualities, how much do you like it and how do you see yourself growing in it?

And last, really last, what you see in the mirror; your good points and the things you like least about your body.

Use your partner, family and friends to get a good insight of yourself. Make a list/diagram/mind map of this and save it.

***********************

I'll show you the Mind Map I made of myself for Step 1 next week.

This piece has been growing in my mind for quite some time now and I felt I needed to get it out.

This is just my story.

Goals, walks and tattoos

2010-08-11T12:30:00.000+02:00

Another week, another chance.
Right, let's deal with the goals first.

Cycle every day: well I did. Almost. On Wednesday I went shopping with a girlfriend and we went by car. I walked for a couple of hours. On Friday I cycled a nice route.
Walk; check. More than I planned even. On Thursday I walked by myself, I blogged about that. On Saturday we did 13,5 KM. I'll show you some pictures in a minute.
Not give in to the cravings; almost check. I gave in once. To chocolate. But, I feel better since I didn[t give in to all my cravings.
Stick to my schedule; not so much. I had to change the schedule somewhat to incorporate more exercise, which I achieved. Didn't do any work on the self-study. Read a lot. Knitted somewhat. Cooked.

Now for this week's goals. I know it's Wednesday already, but still.
I will;
Get back into running slowly. No overdoing it. So long as I am 'busy' for an hour or so.
Walk and cycle. Alone and with the fiancee.
Make the right choices in food.

So for the walk we did last Saturday. It was great weather for walking and the walking itself went really well too. We had quite a good speed. I felt good about being outdoors, walking and seeing lovely countryside.

Aaaaaw! Hihi. At this gorgeous 'mansion' in the coutryside.

Walking on the banks of a 'moat' on the way to another beautiful 'mansion'.

Said 'mansion'. I had to pee quite badly by that time and I boldly went inside and asked if I could use the bathroom. I could. It was very stately beautiful inside. I felt so out of place in my walking clothes! lol

We walked past a little river on the path you can see on the left. Great walking!

In about an hour I'm going to take the train to be with my sister who is going to have her fifth (I believe) tattoo done. Blossom on her shoulder. Very nice! I'm already thinking about my next tattoo while my last one isn't even properly finished yet! Good thing I don't have the money for it right now or I would have taken another one myself.

This 'piece' about dieting/loosing weight/ getting healthy has been growing in my mind lately. I'm going to put in on paper in the train this afternoon and see if I can put it into writing this week. It's something I have to say, that has to get out, because it's been in me for too long now.

Have a good week everyone!

Dutch paintings

2010-08-05T17:42:00.000+02:00

Turns out this week is all about my (physical) health. Still not feeling particularly well, but better than when I last blogged. Not as depressed anymore. A bit more energetic and overall; calmer.
But....I had a bit of a scare yesterday. It started Tuesday night, in bed, when I couldn't sleep because my heart kept pounding away in my throat. I was even a bit out of breath. I eventually fell asleep but Wednesday morning it came back. It even started to hurt a bit. I went out for the day, shopping with a dear friend in Alkmaar (such fun) and it sort of went away. I was a bit faint and shaky at lunchtime but was fine. When I got home I felt it again. My heart rate was extremely high (in the 90's!!!) and my ribs and muscles started to hurt a bit. By the time I went to bed it had almost gone. This morning it was really gone. Just a few 'bumps' in my throat here and there.
How weird is that? Does anyone know what it is? Do I need to worry about this? To me it's just a sign that my body is so not over the burn-out yet. Now that I am resting for not just the weekly two days but several weeks it is showing it's fatigue. Should I get back to running next week? Or maybe wait another week, just to be sure?

Anyroad, lots of good things this week. Lunch with a friend on Monday, shopping with that same friend yesterday, reading, knitting (yes, you read it correctly; knitting. I've started knitting a huge shawl for myself. I even have plans for a bag!), walking and cycling.
Today I walked 6,4 KM and took my camera with me. It was wonderful weather. Sun and some gorgeous cloud, typical Dutch scenery (hence the title) and a stiff breeze.

These meadows are used for bird breeding. You can see the last couple of geese in the fields there. During breeding season there are hundreds of them there.

Gorgeous sky, right? The green, the blue and the white..... The tall, thin building in the middle is a church tower, one the right of that is the flat I live in.

Cows, a mill and WWII bunkers.....how very Dutch!

You see how windy it was?

Tomorrow I'm going for a bike ride. About 35 KM. I'm taking my camera again. I'll be passing some old manor houses. Looking forward to it!
On Saturday the fiancee and me will do our 14 KM walk. Should be good. And maybe I'll get him to do a bike ride on Sundays.
More pictures to come!

No happy camper.

2010-08-02T11:31:00.000+02:00

I am not well. Physically and emotionally not well. I hate it! I hate these phases where I feel so tired and slightly depressed. Grrrrrrr! And the worst part of it is, is that I can see myself sliding downwards and I just can't seem to pick myself up!
I'm dead tired and my muscles are very weak. Running is torture and I have stopped it for a week, to try and get my strength back and start again. Cycling is OK, but not for long periods. I haven't tried walking yet, will do on Thursday.
My eating is slowly going down the drain. I do my regular things during the day, but at the end of the afternoon I start craving all the bad things. Being tired and not very motivated I give in to the feeling more than I want to.
I'm not sticking to the schedule I made for myself to get me through the summer vacation in good shape. All I want to do is sit on the couch and do nothing or sleep. It's very difficult to lift my arse from the sofa and do something!

Yet at the same time I long to run, cycle, walk, eat properly, read, knit, go out to the beach, cook and even do the chores around the flat!

So, this week is going to be all about kicking my arse into gear. Maybe it's time to set myself some small goals again. So here we go....
This week I will;
- Cycle everyday. Doesn't have to be long periods of time or complete tours, just cycle.
- Walk. On Thursday the fiancee and me will go for a nice hike. 14KM See how that goes.
- Not give in to the cravings.
- Stick to my schedule.

Should be attainable, don't you think?
Any suggestions and tips? I could do with some.

Teacher's ailment no1...

2010-07-25T20:55:00.000+02:00

...is being ill in the vacation. Ask any teacher you know and they will tell you that out of every two vacations, they will be feeling under the weather of some sort in one. Sigh...
Usually this happens to me in the first week during the summer vacation. This year it took a week and a half to settle in. It also doesn't help that we went flying. I so don't want to think about the millions of viruses flying around in a cabin. *shudder*
I don't have a temperature, but I feel weak all over. Muscles hurt. My right sinus keeps filling up. My throat itches. I'm dead tired. In other words; the usual. My fiancee had it too, just a week earlier, right after we came back from Edinburgh.

Right, enough complaining. Not much I can do about it but rest. And since it's a vacation, I can! Yay!

I have:
- Run 3 times. It was hard and painful. But it felt really good getting back to it after 5 weeks or so. Just a shame that I couldn't go running today because of feeling so weak. It would have been rather embarrassing if some stranger would have had to 'carry' me home! lol So I was wise and I didn't go.
- I cycled and walked on some of the days I didn't run. I also started with weight training but only once so far. It's not something that I get loads of satisfaction from.
- I have done 3 self study assignments so far. Will do at least 2 more coming week.
- I have cooked 4 times. Made 2 entirely new meals, 1 old favourite and 1 I made for the second time.
- I have read 2,5 half books so far. Doing really well there.
- Haven't sung or written anything yet. I do have plenty of ideas for at least 10 short stories. Shall I 'publish' some of it on here when I have finished one? It's nothing terribly good, but I like writing.
- Food wise it has been going rather well. A couple of quite bad decisions, but all in all not bad. Loads of fruit and not too much food overall.
- I've been on the scale. I managed not to go over the 120, just, in about 6 weeks. That's OK. It's not good of course, but I can (emotionally) manage that.

So, for next week;
- Keep up the running, the cycling and walking.
- Get well.
- Self study assignments.
- Cook.
- Write.
- Eat well.

Have good weekend people!

Scotland the brave!

2010-07-16T20:21:00.001+02:00

If you ever want to visit a wonderful, beautiful, rough, fun and inspiring city, go to Edinburgh!
We had a fantastic four days. We saw most of the city, but I am sure we only saw half of it and what we saw maybe not even properly. There is so much to do and to see!
And that's just the city. The views to the 'highlands' and nature outside the city are to die for and are screaming to be explored. I really want to go back to Scotland some time and do just that.
Let me show you....

Me, at the Castle. Edinburgh is build on several 'mounts' and there was a lot of climbing involved.

The view from the castle. It was rather lovely weather that day. So the view was clear. Two days later we had some authentic Scottish weather.

Water of Leith Walkway. We had a gorgeous weather for a long hike along the water of Leith to the coast.

On our way to the top of Arthur's Seat in Holyrood Park. Due to the clouds, mist and heavy winds we decided not to go to the top. The weather made this little patch of Highlands in the city very mysterious.

Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you...that is the Queen, with Prince Philip and in front of her the Princes Royal. We saw her twice in Edinburgh! Because she was 'at home' we couldn't visit the Palace. Here she is entering a church to give somebody a 'knighthood'. Hence the costumes.

Arthur's Seat on a better day. The highest point is on the left. We came just shy of that. On the little 'bump' on the left side of that.

Taken from another 'mount' in the city. You can see the castle in the middle and Princes Street on the right.

I bought a little bit more than I was intending, but among it were some bottles of whisky, Scottish fudge and a beautiful woolen tartan throw with a Celtic brooch to fasten it.
I did get my fiancee in kilt. He looked yummie! We both were in period dress. I'll get those pictures to you later.
Right now I'm going to enjoy some whisky with my coffee and maybe some pieces of fudge.
Night night!

Off track

2010-07-09T20:48:00.000+02:00

Where to start? Where to start? It's been hectic. It's been wonderful. It's been stressful. It's been fun. It's been life, I guess.

Let's start with the negatives to get them over with....
- I haven't run for over three weeks! I don't feel good about it, but my body is OK with it. Guess it needed to rest a little.
- I'm off track with my food. Way too many excuses to eat badly. I don't feel guilty, but I do feel the need to get back on track.
- It's been tropical warm on and off for the last weeks. I don't do well in heat. I get super tired and nauseous.
- I've had three very hectic, long, stressful and tiring weeks at work. I was away from home so much of the time I almost felt the need to introduce myself to my fiancee when I got home every night! lol
- I'm unsure about my new job (which is a positive and I'll get back to that). I don't know if I can start coming 'school year' or if I have to wait till November to start there. It could seriously dampen my summer vacation.
- Still no interest in my flat for sale! It's getting very frustrated. But apparently almost nobody is selling their houses at the moment.
- I haven't weighed myself in weeks. I just don't want to see what I already know. I'll get back to it sometime during the vacation.
- I still haven't gotten round to join a weight loss group even though I have a phone number I can call. It's also on my to do-list or the vacation.

As with life there are also positives of course;
- My summer vacation has started! Yaaaaaaaaaay! Seven weeks of bliss!
- I'm going to Edinburgh coming Monday. Four days of Scottishness. See if I can get a picture of my fiancee in a kilt. Men in kilt.....purrrrr.
- I've got a new job! Finally, after three years of searching. And at exactly the sort of school I was dreaming of.
- I've been cycling to work faithfully. The weather has been great so cycling was brilliant as well. I've got a fab tan already!
- Had some great outings.
- I'm motivated to get back on track and get back to my 'diet plan' and my 'vacation plan'.
- I want to get back to my creativity and start singing and writing again. I don't want to cram too much into my vacation but it seems like the perfect time to get back to it.
- I've stopped taking Ali. I felt it was clogging me up with toxins. So I took a detox pill once a week for three weeks to get rid of them and I feel the benefits. I feel better, healthier and a lot less depressed and heavy. After that I started on Weight Control Green Tea pills. Just to help my body burning off fat a little better. The rest is up to me of course.

Off I go again! Trying to get back on track! I'm ready for it.
Enjoy the summer!

Evolution

2010-06-15T20:10:00.000+02:00

Once in a while you have to look back at what you have been doing and what you have accomplished. Take stock, give yourself feedback, draw conclusions and change accordingly.
That's what I have been doing last weekend. This is what I have come up with:

You might want to click on it and take a look a the 'bigger picture'. It's a Mind Map of my 'new' diet plan. Not very new, really, since most of it I have been doing for a long time, but I wanted to have it on paper so that I could look at it regularly and 'confront' myself with it more easily.
This is of course the 'change accordingly' part of the process. The conclusion that I drew from all the things that have happened since the first of January 2010 are as follows;
- Exercise wise I am doing pretty well. No need to change that.
- Food wise I am getting better, but I need to 'experiment' more to get more variation in my diet.
- Although the Alli pill is working I think it is partly the cause of my slight depression. I think it makes my body unable to get rid of 'toxins' properly. Therefor I am starting a 2 week Detox as of tomorrow. I will take two pills (made with natural ingredients) a day. After that I will start on Weight balance pills (also with natural ingredients, mostly green tea).

I'm feeling pretty good about this and with the summer vacation coming up (3,5 weeks to go.....yay!) I feel confident of keeping this up. I am looking forward to 'living' according to the schedule I made for the summer vacation. I hope that I will have a more productive vacation and at the same time a more relaxing and satisfying one.

I feel bad. I haven't run in almost two weeks. Last 3 runs have been canceled due to my asthma that played up during the extremely humid and sticky weather we had last week. Won't run tomorrow either since I won't be home before 7PM. I have been cycling, though. Last Tuesday I found myself in the most extreme downpour I have ever been in. Thunder, wind and everything. I cycled through it and the adrenaline rushed through me! So cool! I was wet through! But it was worth it! *huge smile*

Anyroad, have to get back to school work. Those last few weeks are always rather mental and busy! Lots to do!
Have a good week everyone!

I'm walking on sunshine!

2010-06-06T15:54:00.000+02:00

Lovely week! Just great! Very relaxed.
School is slowly but surely starting it's winding down process. Pupils have been 'done with school' for the last 4 weeks now and this week it hit me too; I'm done with this educational year. I'm ready for the next. But there are still 2,5 weeks of teaching to go. Not that I have planned lots of heavy duty stuff, because that wouldn't work anymore. Especially since the really good weather has finally arrived!
Bless.

Cycling has been great! I can see my watch outlined on my wrist already! For me that saying a lot, since I don't tan easily; I sunburn more often! But being outside quite a lot; cycling, running, hiking is working out very well, thank you! To complete my tanned and healthy look I have cut my hair short and I'm loving it! I did love my long curly hair, but the short version is so much easier to maintain and looks way better on me! The BF said I looked younger! Looking younger is always good once you've hit 30! LOL

Completely forgot to tell you last week that I had lost 1,2 kilos Yay! This Thursday when I visited my diet coach I weighed even less! Which is unusual since I usually weigh more on her scale. I asked her about a 'diet group' and she emailed a phone number. I am going to call tomorrow and find out when they meet. I would love to belong to a group like that because I think it would really help me with my motivation.
Unfortunately I gained some weight back this morning. Probably due to the BBQ I went to last night. Yet I think I will loose that rather quickly since we cycled 18 KM to get there and back home again!
Plus we went for a 6KM hike this morning. Instead of running, I have to say. It was extremely stuffy this morning and since I suffer from slight asthma I didn't feel comfortable running. The hiking was more than enough!
I ran on Wednesday and did another 35 minutes! I was very pleased. I do feel that my body is not able to make any more leaps up very soon. I would love to be able to run for 45 minutes, but right now 35 seems to be the limit. That's OK with me, though! I can run!!!!

I've laid my plans for the summer hols. During the first week we are going to visit Edinburgh. Can't wait to go. For the remaining six weeks I have made a 'schedule' and some rules.
- I will run 3 times a week.
- I will cook 3 times a week (BF does this most of the time) and cook 'light' meals. Some new recipes.
- I will read.
- I will work on my self (home) study course and try to finish at least half of what is left to do.
- I will get up as the BF leaves for work.
- I will relax.
- I will not make more than 3 'dates/appointments' a week.
To me it seems like a good plan. And a necessary one too. I'm highly likely to sleep my time away and do nothing for 6 weeks if I don't make any sort of plan. Plus a plan will get me to a better state of mind sooner.

Have I ever mentioned that my sister is a rather good actress. Not professional or anything, but I went to see her yearly play last Friday and it was, again, quite a brain teaser! Way to go sis!
The family BBQ was nice. I just can't wait to have my own place to have a BBQ and invite friends and family over! Coming Thursday there will be a viewer for the apartment. Fingers crossed.

Have a good week everyone!

The good, the bad and the ugly.

2010-05-30T15:15:00.000+02:00

Let's start with the bad and get that out of the way:
I didn't get the job. Again...third year in a row that I have been trying to get a new job and that I have been turned down. This year I 'was a great talent and my interview was very pleasant' but they choose somebody else. If I am so great and everything, how come I didn't get the job then?!!
I've been struggling to keep myself from seriously doubting myself on all fronts.
The bigger struggle is to find the motivation to stay on for another year at a school that I don't feel 'at home' at.
The biggest struggle is not to let this fall me head first back into depression.
That's the ugly part of this week; looming depression. It would be so easy to fall back into that, but I won't I won't I won't!!!

The good bits then;
Even though I had a rough couple of days and I did eat two slabs of chocolate, I didn't eat them in one go like I normally would have. It took me 3 days and I enjoyed every little bit of. But now that they are gone, it's OK. No biggy.
Keeping track of my food diary I going well. I'm glad I'm doing it again since it gives me a sense of structure and stability.
I cycled all four days this working week. I ran twice. the first time, on Wednesdays, was brilliant. I ran 35 minutes for the first time, easy! Saturday however was complete cr*ap!! My whole left leg was cramping, my right hip was aching and I had some belly cramps as well. I had a short run.
No hiking this week. I have to say that I am recovering from the long hikes better each time. Good feeling.
I treated myself to a new heart rate/exercise computer/watch thingy; A new and shiny Garmin Forerunner 305 with GPS! It's brilliant! I can run, cycle and hike with this and it will tell me my exercise time, my heart rate, my speed, my calories burned, my route and so much more!

To keep myself motivated and on track I am Mind Mapping like crazy, but it seems to work. Next week I am going to have a talk about my future at school. I am prepared to lay my 'demands' on the table. Getting them is another thing altogether, but who knows.
Next weekend is going to be fun. A bbq and a my sister's play.
Now I am going to make myself a cuppa and have some of the cake I just made. Yes, I know, how bad, but....I am going to freeze half and not eat the whole thing in a day! Let's see how that will work out over the coming week.

Have a good week people!

Oh happy days!

2010-05-24T11:42:00.001+02:00

What a complete and utter turn around in the weather! Brilliant! With the sun coming out I could feel my depressed mood lift bit by bit. I feel lighter and sunnier in my head. It's easier to deal with the disappointing things in life and enjoy the good things in life.

On Monday morning I had an appointment at the dentist's. Let me tell you that I am petrified of the dentist. It's sort of a youth trauma for me. I haven't been in over 10 years! (Yes I know that that is not good.) But 4 weeks ago I couldn't ignore it anymore. The pain was unbearable. I had to have an emergency root canal treatment and last Monday it had to be properly finished.
I was nauseated with fear and nerves. Clammy hands, trembling, the lot! But it was just fine. Of course. My new dentist is way cool! Incredibly tall, blond, funny and rides a motorbike! I got a next appointment on June 21st. I'm not worried. Yet......
Anyroad, the weather was so incredibly nice that when I got out and cycled to work I was almost singing!

The rest of the week was rather good. I cycled all days. Didn't run because I didn't have the time. Well I do, but I had long days and by the time I get home I don't always have the energy left to go for a run. The left overs of a burn-out.
On Saturday Kimmie and her BF came over and I made a cake. I failed miserably. I had seen it on TV but had no recipe. It didn't look hard to do though. It wasn't. I just forgot to put enough butter in the crust. It ended looking more like some sort of dessert. I'll stick to recipes and baking in the future. They stayed for dinner and then we went to see Robin Hood. Really good entertaining film, even though there were some historical inaccuracies.
Me and my BF hiked yesterday. More on that later.

I also got back to my food diary. I started again on Monday and it settled my mind immediately! It also worked straight away. I have included all my exercise in it too. Plus I have started grading every day on Food, Exercise and Physical well being.
I got back to my regime and the good weather made me want to eat more fruits and drink more.
With a stable molar I got back to my cruesli in the morning.
I substituted half of my lunch (2 slices of bread) with a Modifast bar.
I only took one Ali pill a day during the week. I forgot to bring them to work. I took two this weekend and will keep it that way from now on.
I've been researching Weight Watchers. But the meetings are on a Monday and that's the only evening of the week that I can't go! Shame, because I really want to join some sort of group and enjoy the support and motivation that such a group can give. I'll ask my diet coach next week if she knows of a group. I think it could work for me.
My weight boggles me, though. I've been pretty good this week but somehow I have gained weight! Still under the 120 kg, so that is good. It could also have something to do with the fact I'm celebrating my time of the month and I'm retaining water.

It doesn't bother me all that much. It's annoying me. I feel a lot better and I'm doing better so why is my weight not doing better? Let's see what happens next week.

Now for that hike. We cycled some 10 KM to the starting point and then walked 16 KM through glorious dune scenery; little hills, woods, shrubs and loads of water. The weather was gorgeous! The walking was good. We had a good speed. We saw plenty of wild life. Birds, frogs, cows and deer!

A bit of boardwalk at the beginning.

Look at those fab blue skies!

Our first break. Yes my legs are THAT white for real!

One of the many deer we saw. They we soooo close! And not at all disturbed by our presence.

Love this.

We saw this and we were saying it would be perfect for deer when we looked right and there were some deer lying in the grass!

You have to look carefully but they are between the trees. They only retreated a little.

It was a gorgeous day and we enjoyed it so much! With the cycling and the walking we did 6:07:07 of exercise! I burned 2753 calories! And gained two blisters! LOL

Have a good week everyone! Mine looks like it will be OK.

History and Nature

2010-05-16T14:45:00.000+02:00

What a week! What -a- week!!!
Really, one of giant ups and downs.
The first three days were just about OK. Just work, busy, but OK. A few bad food choices, but I got to cycle again! Yay!
Thursday though.......I don't know what was going on but it was crazy! I was just so incredibly dull, blue, gloomy and depressed. I just sat on the couch and that was it. Nothing could interest me. I was tired. Physically I felt terrible. The most worrying thing was, I couldn't get myself out of it! Even going for a run, and a pretty good one too, didn't help. I did the laundry and that was it. When my BF asked me what was wrong I couldn't answer him. I really didn't know.

Luckily we went away for Friday and Saturday. That pushed my emotions back into the positive. We had a great two days!
On Friday we went to the lovely city of Zwolle. We checked out the old city centre and stayed in an Art Nouveau/Jugendstil/Arts&Crafts hotel.

The hotel from the front. Love the architecture!

The old Medieval entrance to the city.

Me, climbing what is left of the old city walls.

On Saturday we took the train and went to Steenwijk where we did a 15Km hike through another lovely old city with loads of Art Nouveau and then some beautiful wood.

Rams Woerthe, a gorgeous Art Nouveau villa with a delightful English garden. Check out the gate...

Me, walking through all that gorgeous green!

Enjoying lunch with a lovely view.

A pre-historic grave mount.

Not very 'natural' but oh so beautiful.

The sweet little tea shop on the edge of the woods where we had some tea. You can see the chickens running around. They also had goats, rabbits and a nest of barn owls which you could see on live camera.

Taking a little break. I love this picture of us.

My spirits were somewhat restored after these two days. I could smile and laugh again. I wasn't as sore as last time. We had a good two days! We we knackered but happy.

I think the weather is not helping my moods either. It's about 2-4 degrees too cold for the time of year and the grey weather is getting to me. I could literally feel my mood change for the better when the sun broke out on Friday. I'm not saying it's a cause, but it certainly isn't doing my moods any good!

I also discovered that my job is still causing a lot of stress and bad moods. It's mostly the school that I am working at now that is not right for me. It hasn't been for 3 years now but it has been hard finding another job. That is a cause for my depression.

Luckily I have a job interview coming Thursday. I really hope I get it. It means leaving my current school, starting again fresh, getting back to the level (VMBO) that I like the best and working in the village we hope to live once we have sold our apartment. So please, cross your fingers on Thursday.

Then there of course is the fact that our apartment still isn't sold and isn't drawing much attention either. And the weight loss isn't going strong either. No change this week.

I do feel fitter and better. And really, that was the #1 goal!

All in all I pretty much figured out what is causing my depression. Now to figure out how to tackle it!

Like I wrote last week; I need to live more! So, what are my plans?

- Job interview this Thursday.

- Another hike coming weekend. Probably Sunday.

- Ring my good friend Kimmie see what we can do. Go to the cinema or something.

- Mail my colleagues of the English Department and organise a High Tea / Period Costume drama afternoon.

- Crossing my fingers and hope the weather is going to change....soon! lol

Anyroad, enough of the bitterness and drama. I had a fantastic weekend!

Bring on some more!

Have a good week everyone!

In the blink of an eye

2010-05-09T15:58:00.000+02:00

That's how quick my vacation was over. At least that is what it feels like to me.
Not that I have been so incredibly busy that time flew by, quite the opposite actually. I did, well....I can't say nothing, but not much really.
It started on Friday the 30th, as you have read last week, I did a hike.
On Saturday the normal things of grocery shopping and stuff. I read and watched telly.
On Sunday not much either, except for a short hike to loosen up the calve muscles .
On Monday I ran. It was agony!!! My calves were so incredibly sore! I couldn't do my regular routine but I did something at least. I also had lunch with a good friend. I really should do that more often. We had such a good talk and a lovely time.
On Tuesday I did some school work, read and watched Lark rise to Candleford (I just luuuuuurv costume dramas. Men in cravats, women in period dresses, drama, social struggles, love mishaps, horses, estates and all that.) on DVD.
On Wednesday me and my bf slept in late, read, watched telly and .....nothing.
On Thursday I slept in late again, watched some more DVD and read some.
On Friday slept in a little less late, picked up my bike (finally!!! It took the idiots almost 3 weeks!!), watched some more DVD (have to order series 3 from the BBC) and read some more. Went shopping with the BF in the afternoon.
Yesterday we got up at a regular weekend time and ran. This time I was able to finish my normal routine, but it was agony again. My feet, Achilles heels and calve muscles cramped so much! We did some shopping and had a lovely dinner. I did some schoolwork again.
Today my parents in law visited. My mother in law doesn't do Mother's Day. I do miss my own mother, though. I could do with some motherly advice at the moment. Even though I know what mine would probably say and that wouldn't be much help. Still, I miss her. I am going to do some more schoolwork later. There's still plenty to do.

All in all; I slept a lot, finished one book and started another, watched two series of Lark Rise to Candleford on DVD and did some exercise. Guess I needed that.
I feel slightly guilty for nor doing all my schoolwork. Still, I have 2 free periods tomorrow, have to keep busy! ;)
About a week and a half ago I was pretty depressed. Not so much anymore. Can't say I am a happy camper, but I am composed (oooooh, what a grand word to use!).

I gained weight. 0,6 kilo. It was to be expected. Three weeks of no cycling, not the best food choices and a week of sitting on my backside! 0,6 is not that bad. As of today/tomorrow I'm going back on track.

As you can see I have also changed my blogging.
It's time to enjoy myself again. It's time not to spend all my energy on the weight loss. It's time to live again!

Have a good week everyone!

The Fat Lady

2010-05-02T13:27:00.003+02:00

Hasn't sung yet, and is not going to do so anytime soon I think.
Last Thursday I hit a low very hard. I realised that I was going slightly depressed. With all the things that are happening, or not happening really, in my personal life for the last year or so, and no matter what I do there seems to be no change, I can't be bothered about much anymore. I don't see that bit of light at the end of the tunnel, so to say.
High time to get some professional help. I have been trying to find somebody, but it seems that every professional either has a waiting list of 4 months (wtf???) or is scaling down their practice. Of to the GP tomorrow and see what she has to say.
In the meantime there is no option but going forward. Be it somewhat like a zombie.

EXERCISE
While Freddie Mercurie in singing 'I want to ride my bicycle' in the background I can't help but (silently) scream and wave my fist at the bicycle-repair-man that has had my bike for the last two weeks. I have got a cute loan bike but I have to peddle like a mad woman to get anywhere. So no cycling the 10 miles to work. *grumble*
Have been running. But I can really notice that I haven't been cycling. My legs are stiff and heavy. Last Wednesday it was rather warm and stuffy, that didn't help either. But I toughed it out! Rather proud of myself.
We hiked last Friday. 14KM. It went pretty well. Although it was raining on and off, we made pretty good time and the scenery was quite good. Not the most beautiful walk we have done, but a good one.

Me walking through lovely green.

On a gorgeous estate. Lovely lane.

As you can see it was rather wet.

Look at those cute faces!!!

I haven't ran today. My calve muscles are way too stiff and sore. We might go for a short walk later to try and get them to relax a bit. Will try to run tomorrow.

FOOD
I've been pretty good. Last week, due to no cycling, I switched to diet lunch bars for a few days. At least to balance the weight. Yesterday was a good day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Nothing else. And no craving for anything else! Wow!

WEIGHT
As a result of everything that has happened for the last two weeks I now weigh 118,8. That is 0,3 more than 2 weeks ago, but 0,4 less than last week. So all in all, not bad.

Anyroad. I will try to blog more and more regularly over the next few weeks. It is one way of keeping myself in a positive mood. I just can't promise anything, my mind is overflowing and can't be depended on to remember to do anything.

Have a nice week!

Holding on

2010-04-18T17:37:00.000+02:00

To my sanity, that is. It's been quite a fortnight. Emotional roller coaster would describe it best. I'm not going to whine and vent about it. It's just the way it is and unfortunately it ain't over till he fat lady sings! (not me! lol) The good bit is that I have (again) decided to get some help. Am going to call/mail tomorrow. Hopefully that person can help me get some perspective and help out of a bit of a small depression. I also want to address my 'obsession' with food and why I can't say no when it come to food. More on that later. Let me first get on with business.

WEIGHT
118,5 WOOOOWWWWWW!!!!! I sooo hadn't expected that this morning. I had gained 0,4 last week and I would have been happy if I had lost that amount. But 1,3 loss!! JC (the fiancee) just looked at me and shook his head. 'I just don't understand what your body is doing!' Neither do I! LOL But you don't hear me complaining!

EXERCISE
I haven't been doing too bad. Cycled to work every day.
Ran 3 times instead of 4. Last Wednesday I was just so incredibly worn out. I just couldn't run. Instead I just sat on my balcony in the sun and read a book. Best decision all week. Well, maybe the decision to stay home on Friday was the best. It gave me a little extra time to sleep and get my head back on straight.
I haven't swam in a while. I just can't get myself motivated after I have coached before my own training. Will have to think of a solution.
At the same time Cycling 30km 5 times a week and running twice a week seems to me to be quite enough. Not to mention the hikes I go on at least twice a month.
I feel quite good about my stamina too. I can feel how the running has helped with the hiking. It's great!

FOOD
Right, here we stumble on the hurdle.......
Last week was not bad, but he week before that....Easter and my birthday in one week. Not good. Not good at all.
Tiff wrote something very interesting in this blog. It applies to me too and I have talked to my diet coach about this too. I can't say no to food in social situations. If something is offered to me at school, at home, at a party, doesn't matter where, I can't say no. Before I know it it's in my mouth. Only later I realise what I have done. I don't feel guilty, really, just dissapointed. If there's food on a table I will have some. Truth be told, I eat way way way less than I used to.
Last night at a birthday party I ate two cookies and the hands of nuts. I had a cup of coffee and two Bacardi Cokes. Not bad.
I would like to know where this is coming from and how I can change it. Hopefully a psychologist can help me. I'll keep you posted on any revelations.

Well, that's about it. All in all I am pleased with how the weight loss is going. I could do better, but considering my mental health and how much energy that takes, I'm not worried and it's OK.
The weather is getting better by the day and I can't wait for more hikes and cycle routes! Have got two hikes planned. Can't wait to do them!

Enjoy the week!

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T10:43:00.001+02:00

Happy Easter everyone! Today marks the time when hundreds/thousands of years ago people celebrated the return of life into the world. Bulb-flowers would burst from the grounds, buds would form on branches and baby animals would be born by the minutes! Spring.
Looking around me yesterday when doing my first hike of the year I saw all that. Bulb flowers in yellow, purple and white. Little lams. Swans on nests.
Just a shame that the weather wasn't really great. We were really lucky that the actual 'bad' weather didn't start until we had finished and were sitting in a train. We had some rain, but nothing major.

EXERCISE
So, just about 19 kilometers yesterday. As I am sitting writing this my body is soooooo sore, it's just hilarious! LOL My lower back and my legs are stiff as a board and I walk around like I'm 80 years old! Haha! That's what you get for doing 19 kilometers as a first hike. Should probably have done less, but we really wanted to this one. I could feel that I have been running since last hike we did. I wasn't 'tired' but my muscles were protesting like mad! Fingers crossed it will be better on Wednesday when my next run is planned. Just another 'excuse' for my boyfriend to massage me! Hihi!
Didn't swim this Monday. I ran on Friday, instead of Wednesday since the weather was abominable. I cycled twice.

FOOD
Been rather good. I haven't written in my 'food diary' for a while now. It happened quite gradually. I just forgot to write in it, but at the same time I also kept eating at the right time and the right things. Does that mean that I don't need the diary anymore? Who knows. It's lying in the living room in full view. If I need it it's there.
I had a huge craving for chocolate on Wednesday. I felt it coming for a few days (period) and on Wednesday I couldn't ignore it anymore. Of course I should have ignored it. But I didn't but the chocolate, I bought some roasted nuts instead. A bit of a victory for me and i enjoyed it very much. But it could have been better.
This weekend is a bit of a challenge of course. Chocolate wise I am doing OK. Some, but not too much. We're not going out for diner as we had planned first. We are cooking two nice meals at home. With a lovely glass of wine and some desserts. As it's Easter.

WEIGHT
119,4!
0,6 loss. Great! That's 1,9 kilos loss in three weeks time. The three weeks that I have also been taking the Alli pills. I don't know if the loss is down to the help of the pills or my own methods, but the fact is that I have lost the weight.

Enjoy Easter everyone!

Happy happy happy!

2010-03-28T12:49:00.000+02:00

After reading Kimmie's blog last week I though it was time to get rid of the negative thoughts in my blogs. Especially since they don't seem to help one bit! I need to focus on the positive on things that will motivate me and inspire me. Hopefully that will help me lift my spirits and stay strong in my journey to a healthy life.
So....no more negative thoughts in this blog, only if they are in some way helpful.

WEIGHT
120 kg this week. A loss of 0.2. Not much, but seeing that it is my time of the months this weekend and I'm quite bloated, that's OK. Bring on next week!

EXERCISE
Cycled four times last week. The weather was incredibly mild and gorgeous. Cycling was a complete joy! Fingers crossed that in a few weeks I can cycle five times. By the way, just to make things clear, I don't have a car. I cycle to work therefor. But I also cycle during the weekends of course.
I didn't swim. My co-trainer took leave on Monday, he's moving to the Caribbean today. We had a little 'party' and afterwards I had a sh*t load of work to do.
I ran twice this week; 5-25-5. On Wednesday it was really warm and stuffy. Had a little bit of difficulty getting used to it, but it was great! All the home, cycling, I was looking forward to my run. This morning was supposed to rain, but luckily it stayed dry and there was even some sunshine. Was a lot colder, though. I'm doing good. Maybe in 2/3 weeks time I will be able to run 5-30-5!

FOOD
Not bad this week. Seems like I am getting better every week. On Friday I had my first few Easter eggs. And today I had some more. We always have something sweet with our coffee on Sundays. It's our treat of the week. This was (is, there are still some left....) our first bag of Easter eggs. And they will be the only ones this coming week. Maybe some more next weekend. It's Easter after all,
Yesterday was pretty bad. I had baked cookies (more on that later) and since nobody wanted any, we ate them all! Oooops. They were really good, though.

AOB
I baked the cookies for the 'Open House Day' (loosely translated) of our apartment. It means any potential buyer can come and look at our house between 11am and 3 pm without an appointment. We had 3 visitors. Our upstairs neighbour had way more, but we were pleased with the 3 we had. We had cleaned our backs out for this. If nobody had come we would have been very disappointed. It's fingers crossed now that somebody liked enough to make us an offer.
I'm really looking forward to next weekend! I've got a short week at work (Good Friday of), a 17K hike on Saturday and diner at my Dad's, Easter Sunday at my grandparent's and Easter Monday brunch at my sister in law. If the weather is nice we might cycle to my sister in law.

I think I did pretty good at being positive. I feel good about this.
Have a nice week everyone!

In limbo

2010-03-20T20:34:00.000+01:00

WEIGHT
I have to start with this today as has been on my mind and dictated my moods all week long.
BUT.....
120,2!!! A weight loss of 1,1 kilos! Yesssssss! I have rarely lost so much in a week. Could this be the Alli pills at work? If so, boy do they work! And I only take two a day! What would happen if I took three?
Not that I am going to, because like I said last week, these pills' function is to kick start / support my weight loss, not loose the weight for me. I can take these pills for a maximum of 6 months, but I am going to empty the current bottle first and than decide if I go on. The current bottle will serve me about 6 weeks.

AOB
The exercise and food were minor themes this week. Like the title of this blogs says I am in limbo so to speak. I feel like I am and have been stationary for so long in my life and it's starting to frustrate me.
Let me explain.
I have been living in student flats/ rooms and a one bed apartment since I was 19. Although my one bed apartment is mine (I bought it when I was 24 and single) I still feel like a student at times. I am 30 (31 in 3 weeks time) and I want to feel like a grown-up with a grown-up house. I want rooms to put my stuff and I want to have a garden to sit in. I want to be able to 'house' a child. I want to feel like I am an adult.
I have been working at my current school for almost 4 years now and for the last 3 I have wanted to leave and get another job. But full-time jobs are scarce / few and far between in the region. Although I give a 100% I struggle to give my all every day and to stay motivated. I don't feel like I am 'developing' myself anymore. I feel stalled.
Just after Christmas of 2008 I began to realize that something was wrong with me. In January of 2009 I was diagnosed with a burn-out. Now, more than year later I have still not fully recovered. For the last few weeks I feel like it has gotten worse again instead of better. I do know that a burn-out can take about two years to fully recover from, but I am so frustrated with my body. It is letting me down and preventing me from fully living the way that I want to live. For example seeing my friends regularly and staying in touch with them. I do understand that I have lost most contact with them, but I do want to get back to it, I'm just so tired most of the time. Not to mention keeping up and maintaining my part in my relationship!
Last, but not least, the whole weight thing. I fully realize that changing my lifestyle is going to take time. That weight lost slowly is least likely to come back. But loosing not even 5 kilos in more than year is not good in my book. Not compared to what I have been doing to loose it. Hence the pills.

All in all, these things have been going through my mind and I am spinning.
Yet.......as I was talking my job situation through with a colleague from the English Department she gave me the best compliment ever. It also came just one time. She told me I shouldn't worry, I was still doing good, because she could tell which students had been taught by me.
Also this morning when I did my run, a heavyset man cycled past me and said: You set a great example for me. Good luck! I smiled all the way home!
A wonderful as those compliment are, they can't take away the turmoil in my head. Where to start?

EXERCISE
Did 25 minutes this morning! Yay! Brilliant feeling. In 2 or 3 weeks time I want to move to 30 minutes. I had a good speed and I moved well. Ran on Wednesday too. That was also a very nice run.
I cycled 3 times. Hopefully the weather will allow me to cycle more soon.
I swam on Monday. Just for a 15-20 minutes. But it felt good.

FOOD
I did better than last week. Hence the weight loss of course. But it's still not to my own high set standards.
I am very proud of the fact, though, that I still haven't bought anything Easter chocolaty! I hope I can keep it up another week. My goal was to try and buy nothing up until two weeks before Easter. I am allowing myself some Easter eggs then. Some....

Breakdown

2010-03-14T13:01:00.000+01:00

WEIGHT
121,3 I have gained. *sigh* I don't get it. I've been rather good last week. Not perfect yet, but still...I should at least have lost 0,2 or 0,3 this week. My body is a wonderland....exactly, wonderland. I don't get my body.

FOOD
It's been OK, I guess. One or two bad things, but nothing huge or anything. I do need to get into veggies more. I seem to get stuck with lettuce, onion, peppers and mushrooms. Unfortunately, me and my boyfriend don't like veggies that much. Time to hit the cooking books!

EXERCISE
Not bad, but could have been better. Yet, if your body tells you: Sorry, mate, can't do it today. Well, than you don't. Happened to me on Wednesday. I just couldn't get one leg in front of the other to make myself run! Terrible feeling. I did run today. Wasn't brilliant, but I made it.
I did cycle 3 times. I don't want to overdo it yet. Working full-time is taking up too much energy to be cycling 5 times a week yet. Maybe when the weather gets better it'll be easier.
I did swim, sort of....I swam during the training I gave to my pupils. I didn't go for my own training.
I haven't started on the weight training yet. It didn't seem such a good idea right now. I was so not feeling up to it. I just want to get my body energized again before I start that.

AOB
All in all, not too bad, but it could get so much better. Especially since I have been feeling so completely miserable for a few weeks now. I don't know where it is coming from either. I'm so down and blue and washed-out all the time. Nothing is going the way I would like it to go. I keep getting dissapointed in things at work and at home. I'm not seeing the results that I expect to be seeing if I take in account the work I've been doing. It's so extremely frustrating. Not to mention that I'm loosing motivation fast!
It's not only me, it's my boyfriend too. For totally different reasons. But what a pair we make at the moment! It's actually funny! And maybe that's good news; we are able to see the funny side of it. And we are still very happy to be together. (on the side.....getting married is way expensive! Even if you want to keep it small!)
Talking to my boyfriend and having a good cry yesterday has helped a bit. Hopefully the weather will get better soon and I will feel better too.
To get the weight loss thing going again I have started taking Alli pills. Not that I expect them to loose the weight for me, but as a support system. Fingers crossed they work. Does anyone have any experience with them?
Right. Back to business, or in other words, back to the mountain of test I have to check! The joys of being a teacher.....NOT! LOL

Have a good week everyone!

Turning the page.

2010-03-07T20:39:00.001+01:00

To a new chapter. A step forward. A new road. To loosing weight and getting healthy. This week my mind has been making overtime. Thinking about how I am doing in getting healthy and loosing weight. All the blogs that I read have been so incredibly inspiring. Seeing my boyfriend doing push-ups and crunches first thing in the morning was an eye opener.
There are things to change in the way I am trying to reach my goal. There has been a change in my attitude towards reaching my goal; I need to step up.
So, this is what is going to happen;
- I will track my food every day, no excuses. I have been doing good so far, but there are times when I am just not bothered.
- I will include arm strength training into my exercise regime. Every day I am not running or swimming I am going to arm exercises before going to bed or while watching TV. I can not do push-ups due to a poorly functioning elbow joint.
- I will divide my blog posts into four sections; Weight, Food, Exercise, AOB. To keep myself focused.
- I will get back to weighing every week. On Saturday after my running. Also to keep myself focused.
- I will be more serious about this. This is it, this is my chance. Now do it!
So....let's get started then.

WEIGHT
I gained a kilo in the last month. To be honest I expected that. Not much exercise and way too much bad food and a holiday makes me gain. But a kilo is do-able. If I'm good form now on I should be able to loose that in two weeks time. Not happy about it, but optimistic I will loose it.

FOOD
As I said, I haven't had a good month. Too many sweets, snacks and other bad things. And why? Because I wasn't bothered enough. I just put it in my mouth because it was there. Most of the time it was food that was available outside of my home.
I am strong enough when doing the grocery shopping and not buy the bad stuff. So I don't eat it at home. But when somebody offers me something or it's there for grabs.....I'm lost. I need to get a better grip on myself.
I do allow myself something nice/bad once in a while, but it needs to be only on very special occasions and then only small portions.

EXERCISE
I'm slowly getting back to my desired schedule. As the weather is getting better I have more opportunities of going out and cycle, run or hike. This week I cycled to school three times. I swam. I ran twice. Especially my run on Saturday was lovely. It was cold, there was wind, but the sun was shining! I was really enjoying my run, also because the decision of not running a 5K caused less stress.

AOB (Any Other Business)
Nothing much really. My whole thought process really occupied me this week. School was bad, though. After the great holiday I really felt so negative towards my work. It took me the whole week to get into it again. I was so glad it when I got into the bus on Friday. Hopefully next week will be better. I have already done quite a lot of work for next week, so it should be better.

I wish everybody a wonderful week. And hopefully spring will push forward.

Spring is on it's way!

2010-02-27T17:45:00.000+01:00

Or at least I hope it is! The snow has gone and there are little bulb flowers shooting through the grass and starting to slowly flower. The first few hints of spring.

Just before spring I enjoyed the last bit of winter in Italy. Lovely snow on the slopes, rather nice weather and the first time I properly enjoyed skiing like I knew I could. It was brilliant!
Let me show you....

The view from our appartment.

Me on the balcony in my lovely new hat. JC was taking silly pictures.

JC took this from the ski lift up to the red piste (I'm not THAT good yet), isn't it gorgeous?

JC in the ski lift while I was taking a breather.

On the Nordic ski course in the village. 3,2 km walk. Lovely!

Unfortunately there aren't any pictures of me on skies! There are a few videos JC made on his Iphone (I want one too!) but they are upside down and I can't get them turned around on any video software programme! Any ideas?

So that was the winter for me. Great one too! Old fashioned cold and snowy winter. Lovely!

The week in Italy did me good. Loads of light (reflected from the snow) and blissful sunshine made me very positive and up beat. I'm ready to get on going.

Spring is coming and that means it will be warmer and better weather. No more obstacles that prevent me from running and cycling. Hiking again and taking cycling tours. More light and sunshine for a better mood and more energy to continue the 'healthy choices'. Bring it on!

I hope everybody has had a good week and I wish everybody the first hints of spring to look forward to!

Engaged to be married!

2010-02-17T15:39:00.000+01:00

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! *running around screaming*
Still can't believe it! I'm engaged!
Yes, I know I said in my last blog that I didn't think JC was going to ask, but he did! Sort of....
He bought the ring that I had told him to buy (hihi) and when we came home from a birthday visit on Sunday he threw down a pillow before my feet and said to wait there. (He's got a bad knee.) That's when I realised he was actually going to do it!
He got down on one knee with the wrapped box in his hand and asked me if I would stay with him forever! How sweet! Of course I told him I would stay! I unwrapped the box and put on the ring. A perfect fit!
Now I can hear you thinking; he didn't actually ask you to marry him. I know, he didn't, but that was what he meant. He told me on Monday that although he hadn't used the exact words he did mean it that way. So now we're engaged! To be married! Don't know when yet, but we do know that it'll be small and we want to have a BBQ.
Engaged! To be married! *sigh* Wow!

At #2 this week was our first 'visitor' to our flat. As you know our flat is for sale and this was our first viewer. The estate agent told me the woman seemed positive but I haven't heard anything more. Yet.
I am not counting on a quick sale, but it would be wonderful if it did happen soon.
The thought that there were two strangers in my house yesterday, without me being there, is a bit strange. It feels a bit wrong. But it comes with the territory, I guess. Fingers crossed she likes the flat so much she willing to put in an offer.

After a week of bad eating, with the all time high being our home made High Tea on Sunday, I am slowly getting back into the healthy eating habbit again.
It's hard to walk past all the Easter chocolates in the supermarket, but so far I have managed. Although I am sorely tempted! JC and I have made a pact we won't buy anything until after our holiday next weak.
I'll be going for a run in about half an hour. Finally! I haven't run for a week and a half! I'm missing it. Especially since I haven't been cycling (still way too cold) and swimming (feeling like throwing up at the time). My body is craving exercise at this point. I am actually getting a bit cranky with the lack of exercise! That's a first!
In December I had decided to run my first 5K in March. I had actually filled in a registration form and paid my fee. But....over the last few weeks I have come to realise that I am not much the competing kind of runner. Not that I think I can actually 'compete' in a run, but I just don't feel good about the whole scheme. Not to mention that I am not prepared at all because I have lacked training these last two months due to snow/ice/cold. I don't think that I have enough time left to be prepared either.
But most importantly I have found out the real reason i want to run. It's not to 'compete' in runs, but to get fit, loose weight and because I like doing it. Nothing more. My only 'goal' I would like to reach in time is to be able to run for an hour. I am not going to set myself a time limit, it will just happen over time. That's good enough for now.

Next week we'll be in Italy to ski. We're leaving this Friday night and we'll be back next week Saturday. Can't wait!
Enjoy yourselves!

My Valentine....

2010-02-13T16:16:00.000+01:00

Before I'll tell you all about how my boyfriend and I met I just have to say that I am somewhat proud and somewhat disgusted with myself.
After three really terribly busy weeks I am nackered. Like last week I have been taking it slow the last few days. No cycling (it wasn't even an option with the temperatures we're having! I'd turn into a big ice cube after an hour of cycling.), I did go swimming but I didn't run (wasn't even possible because I wasn't home till 10 pm on Wednesday). I was about to go running today but today I'm backing all sorts of goodies (I'll tell you later) for our romantic Valentine's High tea.
I have been overeating. I wouldn't say binging. It wasn't uncontrolled. It was very controlled actually and also a very deliberate choice. That's the thing I'm proud of. Making a controlled choice to eat salted nachos with cheese dip, but not eating the whole bag. And buying a bar of chocolate and not eating the thing at once. I left something over for this weekend. On the other hand I do feel disgusted with myself for doing it. I also feel so full and gross! What a revelation! I am so not going to do it again!

Apart from tomorrow that is....hihi. The High Tea is my gift to my boyfriend (let's call him JC from now on). After a HUGE hint from me (I just told him I would like on, not necessarily for Valentine's, but still.) he's got me a Swarovski ring. Can't wait to put it on my finger. And before you ask...no I don't think he's going to ask! But who knows, he could surprise me!

Now, I have known JC for 2 years now.
At the beginning of February 2008 I had been single for 5 years. Yes, you read that correct, 5 years! Not a single snog or even pat for 5 years! I had been through a rough time but was ready to get my life going again. I was ready for a new relationship so I had signed in with a online dating site. I had been on some dates and had some crushes for over a year when at the beginning of 2008 my latest crush told me no. So I just gave up on men. To hell with them! Just a few days later I had a message from JC asking me if I would like to meet. Well....I told him the truth. I wasn't in the mood yet, but I did want to stay in touch with him. So glad I did. After about 3/4 weeks of mailing, MSN and text messaging we set up a date.
On the 28th of February we met in my town in the city centre to go for a cup of coffee. I was so incredibly nervous. He had made me laugh in the previous weeks and he seemed like a cute guy. Tall dark and handsome teddy bear type. He was a little late and I called my sister just to vent some nerves.
I had just told her that I wasn't looking forward to the date at all when I saw him. 'Don't worry, it's fine.' I told my sister and hang up on her. He was just so perfect for me!
We had coffee, then a drink, then lunch, some more drinks, diner and some more drinks! In the end we said goodbye with the most incredible kiss I had ever had. I even cried a bit.
That was two years ago. Time flies. JC moved in with me 7 months later. Now our (well technically my) flat is for sale and our first viewer will come round this Tuesday. Fingers crossed for that.
If you had told me I would meet a new man through the internet three years ago, I would have laughed at you! Now I'm on the road to a new home and a new way of life. I'm happy!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Monthly weigh in.

2010-02-06T17:10:00.000+01:00

120,1 Yesssssss! Lost 1,8 kilos! Good work. That's about what I want to loose on average every month, 2 kilos. Right on track. Next month in the 110's! Oooh that sounds so much better than in the 120's!
That's if I keep this up of course.
Like I wrote last time, I'm not 100% yet and very busy weeks do take their toll on me. I didn't swim on Monday, I didn't run on Wednesday, I only cycled to work twice and I haven't run today. I will run tomorrow though. On the one hand I do feel crappy about that, but on the other hand I am glad I am listening to my body. I'll take my run tomorrow and I'll enjoy it more than I would have done today I think.
Luckily the really nasty busy weeks are slowly coming to an end. The coming week I'll be going to a concert on Tuesday and on Wednesday our school has an 'Open Evening', so I'll have to work my charm on future pupils. My ski course has ended and I can't wait for the holiday to come in two weeks time (Italy watch out!). Also, for the next month my weekends are my own so I can do absolutely nothing but sit on the couch if I want to!
Hopefully the weather will get better and I'll be able to cycle to work more often. I do want to swim on Monday and I definitely have to run if I want to succeed at my first 5K in March.

Valentine's Day next weekend (hence the lay-out) and I think my boyfriend is going to give me a Swarovski ring....I said I wanted one. Men need big hints! LOL! He said he wanted to do an English high Tea, so I will bake him one. Scones, cakes, pavlovas, chocolates, tea with milk....he'll get the lot from me. I like baking and I'm looking forward on doing this.
We'll sit on the couch and watch some soppy romantic movies. Anyone have some tips?
I'll tell how we met next week.

Have a good week everybody!

Watch it!

2010-02-02T16:11:00.001+01:00

That's what I said to myself yesterday evening when I went off to the pool to first train my swimmers and then train myself. Watch what you are doing! It's getting to the point where you might overdo it!
So I listened to that voice and I didn't go swimming myself. Instead I went home, sat on the couch, had some bad bad bad peanuts and checked some tests.
I'm really pleased with myself. Last week was incredibly busy. Swimming, skiing, running, parent-teacher night, party, lunch with girlfriends and a swim meet. Normally I would be tired of course but I would just go on. Not anymore. I've had a burn-out and I'm not 100% yet. Not by along shot. And I've learned from it. I stopped, took a good look at myself, realised the danger and I let it go, I relaxed.
Result: I had a good night's sleep, I was able to work properly today and I feel better.

Another thing that makes me feel better is looking at myself in the mirror. Seeing the little changes in my body that all the exercise and healthy(ier) living are making. It's not that I'm loosing so much weight, but my body feels tighter, lighter and overall better. I can't wait for Saturday's weigh. I'm very curious if I have lost any weight. I think I have, but I wonder how much. It would be such a thrill if I could have dropped to 120 kg. Fingers crossed!

Something else I'm watching is Larkrise to Candleford series 1&2 on DVD. Ever since I first read Pride & Prejudice I've been a costume/period drama fan. I've got most books and most films/series made in the last 15 years. Colin Firth as Mr Darcy.........sigh. My all time favourite. Although I prefer Persuasion as a book to P&P.
I have to be careful that I don't watch Larkrise too much because I'm beginning to lag behind on my schoolwork. Bad bad me! But it's so much funnnnnn!

Talking about schoolwork, I really should be doing some.
Have a good week everyone!

Still on a roll!

2010-01-22T20:00:00.001+01:00

Went to see my dietitian (or is that diet coach?) last night....on her scale I lost another kilo in almost a month!! And that was with clothes on and about 1,5 hours after dinner! 121! So happy!
I have had to change my weigh day to a Saturday. So my next weigh-in is on Saturday 6th of February. Two weeks to loose another 0,5 kilo, maybe....would be nice.
I'm doing good. I've stuck with writing my food journal every day. I also write down what I have done exercise wise and anything else that I notice about my health/body. My diet coach was very positive about my food journal. :D

Exercise wise it hasn't been a very good start to the new year. Due to the amounts of snow and ice I haven't been able to run as much as I would have liked. But this week I could finally get back to business!
I have started swimming. I only realised how much I missed it when I was doing it!
Swimming is the best. No matter what weight you are, you are always to give 150% in the water! You train (almost) all of your muscles without putting your joints through hell! It's brilliant. The only hurdle might be to worm yourself into a bathing suit and feel comfortable in one. I've been doing it for years and I'm a swim coach so I wear my suit at least once a week and parade down or in the pool in my (Speedo plus size) suit. I don't mind anymore. I could actually really see how my body has changed these last months! My legs and butt are trimmer. Shame my stomach isn't in on the shrink.
Anyroad, exercise....I've also started a short ski course in preparation for my ski holiday in four weeks time. I've skied before, but I would love to be able to go down a slope with some sort of control over the two wooden planks attached to my feet. It's five lessons, still two to go. I'm enjoying it so much! Ski-ing is soooooo much fun!
Even better, I started cycling to work again this week. All five days, as I've started working full-time again this week. It's not going smoothly yet, but it can only get better with time. I'm taking a good hour to cycle about 10 miles, when before I could do it about 50 minutes. I hope to get back to that again.
All in all this has been a very good week exercise wise:
Monday, cycling and swimming
Tuesday, cycling and ski-ing
Wednesday, cycling and running
Thursday, cycling
Friday, cycling
tomorrow, Saturday, I'm going running again.
Not bad, ey?

Food wise it's going great as well. I'm sticking to three main meals and three snacks a day. I'm drinking well and I don't eat many unhealthy snacks. I did have some chocolate this week. It was lovely!
That'll keep me going for a weeks again.

As I said I'm back at work 100% again. I can't say the burn-out is completely gone yet, but I'm getting there. Maybe in about six months I'll be almost completely healed. It was weird to go out to work all five days of the week for the first time in a year. I got two more groups to teach, so I had to start anew with them.
It's been a hectic week and I'm dead on my feet. BUT.......but...and this is very important to me...I know that after the weekend, after some proper rest, I'll be fine again! I'll have enough energy for the whole week!

Enjoy the weekend!

Off to a good start!

2010-01-04T16:39:00.001+01:00

I lost 1,2 Kilo over the last month! Waheeeey! Even though it was 'Sinterklaas', Christmas and New Year! Brilliant! That is such a boost into 2010 and a great start to my Resolutions! It really helps.

What also helps is that my boyfriend has seriously started 'dieting' again. It's so much easier to do when he is doing it too. There are no distractions and temptations around the house. Great!
I started 2010 well. Made a new Food Journal in which I not only write down what I eat and when, but also collect good recipes, information and weight/exercise stats.

All though I am suffering (really I am) from a terrible cold, I did go running this morning. It actually went pretty good. On my way I was stopped by a woman on a bike who offered me a leaflet on Weight Loss Challenge in my area. I don't know if I'm going to attend. It's not that I don't know what to do, but the support of a group might be nice as well. It's rather cheap, but it would mean spending even more of my already sparse spare time. What do you advise me to do?

Am not looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow. It'll be all stations go from the start for about a month! I can't barely look in my diary for fear of a heart attack! But if I don't write things down I will forget, so I'll just keep writing things down. It keeps me on track.

I hope all of you have started the year well. Have a good week!

New year, new beginnings?

2009-12-29T14:47:00.000+01:00

I know it's stupid to think that only at New Year you can start anew. You can do that every single day of the year! Yet millions of people, including me, wait until the New Year comes around to make changes to their lives. In the mean time they have a really good excuse to continue with the behaviour they want to change; at New Year I will really stop smoking....start loosing weight...finally graduate, but not yet.
But you can also, like me, feel that this time of year is actually an end of some sorts and a new beginning. The calender ends and starts again. The light went and is coming back again (Midwinter). What better time to look back and learn so that you don't make the same mistake again! What better time to make use of the atmosphere of the season and make anew start as well!
Come to think of it, making resolutions are a bit like the circle of life, the seasons. We start our new resolutions in a difficult, dark time (January) and at first sticking to your resolutions are difficult. Then March, April and May come round and it gets warmer and lighter. We are inspired and motivated to stick with our resolutions. During the summer nothing stands in our way and we live life to the fullest. When the autumn comes around we come down from our high and a few hick ups appear. We struggle to pull through. By the time its dark and cold in November/December we might have given up a bit and are giving our resolutions a good evaluation. Time to tweak and maybe even completely Pimp our resolutions. Make new ones and dump old ones.
Its just a shame that so many resolutions don't make it past the first difficult months. As everybody knows that's down to making unattainable resolutions or putting the bar to high so you can't reach it!
So that brings me neatly at my own New year's resolutions.
I could bore you with a blow by blow account of 2009, but what is done is done. It's better to look forward. So here goes:

- Loosing weight: I want to continue with what I have started this year. Changing my eating habits and living a healthy life. That means 3 healthy main meals a day and three healthy snacks a day. On specials occasions I am allowing myself some 'bad' food. Treats are allowed. I will not go on a special diet or start counting anything. That's not me. I won't stick to it.
Getting healthy and fit is the goal. Loosing weight is a wonderful bonus!
- Weighing: numbers are not important. I will weigh myself once a month, but that's it. The way I feel, what I see in the mirror and the way clothes fit me are more important.
- Sport: keep running and run at least three 5K runs. Start swimming again. And keep cycling to work/school. I will swim once a week, run twice a week and cycle at least 2/3 times a week.
- Moving: selling the apartment hopefully within six months and then move to a bigger house. It will mean buying a car to get to work, so no more cycling to work, but hopefully I'll be able to run a bit more then.
- Love: things are going great with my boyfriend. I do feel I should put more energy into my side of the relationship. I could and should be more observant to his needs. Moving to a bigger house and maybe making more plans.....
- Work: get back into action 100%. Getting over the burn-out completely. Making the right decisions for me and saying no more often. Also stick to a few interesting task apart from teaching, instead of putting energy in everything that I find interesting. Keep to a quiet and relaxing routine and places in the school to keep from stress and unrest.
- Hobbies: keep reading of course. Maybe even read more. Start reading before going to sleep. Take up making my own clothes again when we've moved and I have the room. This time seriously. Keep at the sports of course.
- Study: finish at least one lesson of the home study course I'm taking a month.
- Family & friends: cal them at least once a week. Keep in regular touch (phone, mail, facebook or whatever) and make appointments regularly.

This may seem a lot, but it's actually not that different from what I am doing already! My enemy in all this is discipline. I'm not very disciplined at all. Stress is also one of my enemies.
So maybe my two biggest goals in 2010 are Discipline and Stress reduction!

I wish you all the very best for 2010!

Life is like a box of chocolates....

2009-12-07T15:55:00.000+01:00

...you never know what you gonna get!
It's so true!
For example, this Saturday I had a really lovely chocolate. I finally managed to run for 20 minutes straight! Yay! I was so ecstatic! The rest of the day was great as well. Lovely family gathering to celebrate 'Sinterklaas' with my in-laws. I had a blast.
Sunday however, was a very bland chocolate. Nothing special. Pretty lazy day in.
Today......was a nasty chocolate day. The kind that looks promising but when you take a bite it's actually pretty vile. The running was fine, apart from some major cramps in feet and calves. But then it came to the weighing. First Monday of the month.......sigh.....I was looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time! I have gotten compliments on my figure this last month and I can actually see parts of my body changing (my bum is looking better these days...hihihi). How come that I have gained weight then??!! The vile bite.
I went into a bit of a tantrum and was ready to quit and give up. An appointment with the diet coach and reading a brilliant blog (Thank you Lyn ) made me change my mind a bit and cleared my head.
It's not about the numbers (weight, BMI). They are important, yes, but not that important for me to have a minor depression the size of a small country every time I weigh. That's why I didn't have a scale for years!
What is more important is the way I feel, the way I look and how my clothes fit. I know that already, but sometimes you just need to be reminded.
So the chocolate was rather vile, but it has a nice after taste, I guess.

Looking back on today this are my goals this week;
- run, at least twice. I see a problem this Wednesday. Going for another 20 minutes on Saturday.
- cycle at least twice. My bike has been repaired so I've got no excuse, the weather is fine.
- start with my food diary again. As of today, just wrote it.
- still no desserts. And making some new choices in my diet.
- drink more. I have a large thermos mug now so I can bring tea to the classroom and drink it hot.
- keep walking past the Christmas foods and not buying them.
- buy my grandmother a nice gift.
- put up the Christmas tree!

So how were your chocolates?

Christmas mood

2009-12-02T20:14:00.001+01:00

It's December most of the world is slowly, well, at a good pace, covering itself in Christmas. Over here in the Netherlands we celebrate ' Sinterklaas ' on the 5th first, but then all things Christmas will break loose!
In some shop it already has done. Garden centres for examples; they're stacked with all the decorations you could wish for! In all the colours of the rainbow. Sometimes stunning, sometimes extremely tacky! Why would you want orange decorations in your trees? I haven't a clue! And that's coming from a Dutch woman, whose national colour is orange! Really, I don't get it.
Our tree (well mostly mine, my bf only puts it up, I decorate) is done in off-white, silver, pearls and glass. It's very handsome. It'll go up next Monday. I can't wait. I luuuuuuurv decorating the tree.
For the next month the light in our living room will come from the Christmas tree and candles. Very romantic, warm and slightly green.

Last week was pretty hectic. The bf liked his present very much (he's watching it now. Since I never followed Heroes, I don't get it. ) and the birthday party on Saturday was nice.
I cycled only once. unfortunately, but ran three times! No desserts and some ideas for Christmas presents.

For this week:
- Run three times. Not going to happen. I did it on Monday, but today I was home so incredibly late, I was stone cold and dead on my feet. This Saturday I'm going to try to run for 20 minutes straight.
- Cycle as much as possible. I already cycled more than the two weeks before. Unfortunately, today, when I came home, the saddle pin in my bike broke.......no cycling, since I can't sit on my bike.
- No desserts. Doing great with that!
- Keep the food intake down coming up to and celebrating 'Sinterklaas'.
- Monthly weigh in on Monday morning after my running session. I'm slightly nervous for that. on the one hand I'm confident that I will have lost weight, on the other hand I'm also nervous for a disappointment.

Enjoy the Christmas preparations!

Weather blues

2009-11-23T10:04:00.000+01:00

I'm really starting to get annoyed with the weather! Last week it rained quite a lot (not as much as in the UK, though, so no floods here) and the wind was terrible! On Wednesday the wind was so strong that I couldn't even run! I had given up on cycling to work (about 20 miles in total for the day) two days earlier. It just wasn't possible.
So the wind actually ruined the goals I had set for myself last week! *grmbl* Really, I'm just a bit pissed off, actually. The good, sporty woman in me is missing the exercise and feels like she's lazy, fat and totally not worthy. Yet, the little devil in me is just a little bit smug about it. It could do with a bit of rest. Or so it says, I don't believe the little devil.
It's autumn, it will happen more often in the coming months. Especially this week. The weather forecast is depressing me. I won't be cycling to school until at least Thursday. But, I think the running will happen. Despite the strong wind and rain I ran this morning and it was just about do-able.

I did buy my boyfriend his present. His birthday is this Wednesday. He'll be 35....the old man! LOL I bought him Heroes, season 3 on DVD. He's got season 1 &2, but he hasn't seen season 3 on tv yet. So this will be good. We're celebrating it on Saturday.
Now I've got to start thinking about 'Sinterklaas' and Christmas presents. I have no idea, whatsoever. Music, DVD, clothes, books.....I dunno!

We also went to my mother's grave last Saturday. My sister and my grandmother were also there. My grandfather wasn't feeling up to it (he's ill, cancer) and my sister's boyfriend had to work. Still, it was good. We cleaned the grave, planted some new plants, put some more flowers up and ate her favourite chocolate. Talked a bit about the day she died (we were at the grave the same time she died seven years ago) and how we were handling this period.
I actually thought I was doing ok, but my boyfriend told me he noticed a slight change in my mood over the last week. This period in the year will always be a difficult one for me. It will become less emotional over the years, it already has, but it will always be there.
That's ok.

Right, so coming week...despite the weather...I will:
- run three times.
- cycle to school as much as possible.
- try to keep snacking to a minimum on my boyfriend's birthday.
- start making lists for Sinterklaas and Christmas pressies.

How are all your Christmas preparations going? Any trees up yet?

November already!!!!

2009-11-16T13:22:00.001+01:00

It's the 16th of November today......the 16th of November already! It doesn't feel like that to me at all!
In about a month's time it is time to look back at 2009 because it will be almost over! *shock horror* And what will I have to look back at? What will 2009 be special for? What have I achieved?
Nothing very special comes to mind. Only negative things really. Which is sad. Then again, lots of lovely things happened, just not very big ones. Shouldn't I be happy with those?
I should. Then why does this feel as a lost year? *sigh* Still a month and a halve to make it better. Starting this week.

This week I will:
- run three times. Already done one run this morning.
- not eat any desserts.
- cycle to school at least twice out of four days that I work.
- buy my boyfriend a nice gift for his birthday even though he himself doesn't know what he wants.
- make an appointment to see my mother's grave with my sister and grandparents. It'll be 7 years ago this Saturday that she died.

Last week:
- Only cycled to school once, the weather was crap!
- Ran twice as the physiotherapist said I could.
- I didn't eat any desserts, not even at the weekend.
- I went to Heerenveen, the Thialf skating stadium, to watch the World Cup ice skating.
- Me and some of my colleagues of the English Department had coffee at my place, did lunch in the dunes and then had a good walk through beautiful fall forest/dunes.

Right now:
- I'm going to do the shopping and then have lunch. I feel like crackers with cheese.

Have a good week everybody!

Back on track???

2009-11-11T15:27:00.000+01:00

Maybe? Somewhat? Almost?

According to the physiotherapist I'm ready to start running again. I did so last week and it went pretty well, but then the flu came, and went. (No swine/Mexican flu, otherwise I would still be ill now. ) I did a good warming-up and then ran for 5 minutes, twice. Not much, I know, but it was a start. My calf and ankle did ache a little bit. I was overjoyed that I'd done it and it felt great!
So, today, a week later, I'm going to start again. I made a schedule of all my runs from today up till December 30th. By then I hope I will be able to run for about half an hour straight. *fingers crossed*
I'm really looking forward to getting into shape again.
Running makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel proud that I can do something that for years I thought only the 'slim' people could do! It makes my body look better. It gives me energy and it motivates me.

I've stuck to my no desserts goal so far. If we have anything resembling a dessert these days it's a cup of tea/coffee with a cracker or something. Usually later at night.
I've also only weight myself the first Monday of this month. Even though I hadn't done any running for 3 weeks I only gained 0,6 kilo. Pretty good. I like not weighing every week. It saves me frustration and lets me get on with loosing weight much more relaxed.
Motivation hasn't come flooding back or anything. It's probably because of the injuries and then the flu that made me unable to run. Hopefully now that I can go back to running my motivation will come running back too!

I hope everybody is doing all right. Haven't seen some people around for a while. Or maybe I'm just boring. ;)

Goals, I need goals!

2009-10-31T18:50:00.000+01:00

I really need to get motivated. Not being able to run, for two weeks now, is making loose motivation and is making me very frustrated! ( I actually whiplashed my calf muscle when in Brussels. Exactly a week afte rmy ankle incident. The same leg!) I'm also surprised by it. I never expected to be so affected by running! Running, of all things!
I saw the physiotherapist last Friday and I have to run on the treadmill for him on Tuesday. Fingers crossed he will give me the all clear for some light training.
The more serious issue is the loss of motivation, though. I need some small success to get me back into the weight loosing game. So I started with the small goals. They're not doing what I want them to do yet, but I'm keeping at them.
An update on the one I made last week:
- I behaved pretty good in Brussels. Only had something back with my coffee in the morning. Only bought box of chocolates on Sundays.
- I've started on my food diary again. Oooops, forgot the write down yesterday!
- Unfortunately no running, because of the ankle and calf injuries! Darned!

New goals:
- No desserts after diner during the week.
- Only weighing once a month; the first Monday of the month.
- Get back to running asap.

I really hope that it will work. I don't feel good about myself at the moment. I want to get back to that wonderful feeling of being healthy and getting better all the time!

Have a good weekend people! Enjoy Halloween!

All sorts.

2009-10-22T09:57:00.000+02:00

Today a blog about all sorts of things.

Firstly I need to do my duty to Katie. The Over The Top Awards thingy. So here goes.....
1. Where is your cell phone? on my desk at the mo...
2. Your hair? natural; dark blonde and grey, right now warm chocolate brown
3. Your mother? died 7 years ago.
4. Your father? don't see and talk to him that much, but that's ok.
5. Your favorite food? chocolate! And pasta's
6. Your dream last night? I slept like a baby. If I dreamed I don't remember.
7. Your favorite drink? Hmmmmm, there's lots like, tea, hot chocolate with whipped cream, and malibu &coke.
8. Your dream/goal? To be happy and grow old.
9. What room are you in? My living room
10. Your hobby? reading, singing, swimming, running, listening to music, doing things with my bf.
11. Your fear? Being alone in life.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? In a lovely house, with a family, happy and healthy.
13. Where were you last night? at home, on the couch, reading, with boyfriend
14. Something that you aren’t? Skinny, obviously, hihi. Quiet, hihi.
15. Muffins? Double chocolate!
16. Wish list item? A new home.
17. Where did you grow up? Amersfoort, the Netherlands.
18. Last thing you did? Commented on a blog.
19. What are you wearing? purple shirt, black 7/8 black trousers, purple legging, black booties.
20. Your TV? Oh dear, all sorts, but I love NCIS and Bones, Strictly come dancing and costume dramas.
21. Your pets? black and white cat, called Seamus.
22. Friends? Not many, but the best!
23. Your life? Is going all right at the moment.
24. Your mood? OK. Not really good or really bad.
25. Missing someone? my boyfriend, allthough he's just at work. My mum.
26. Vehicle? a bike.
27. Something you’re not wearing? earrings
28. Your favorite store? M&S, Miss Etam, Apple Store.
29. Your favorite color? Blue, brown, purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? this morning
31. Last time you cried? Last Saturday when I sprained my ankle badly.
32. Your best friend? Kimmie
33. One place that I go to over and over? Work
34. One person who emails me regularly? Kimmie

35. Favorite place to eat? L'Anders, in the city centre, really lovely food!

Katie also inspired me to set some short term goals. I think I might have lost a little enthusiasm and drive in the whole weight loss game. I need some results and energy. So I am going to set myself some short term goals that are rather easy to reach and therefor will give me an uplift.
1. This coming weekend in Brussels I will try to eat sensibly, no take many snacks, keep the chocolate intake to a minimum and enjoy myself.
2. As of Monday I will get back to running, be it very carefully, and get my but into shape. At the end of November I will have run the 20 minutes that I missed last Saturday.
3. In the coming month I will get back into the healthy eating regime.
4. I will get back to keeping a food diary. As of Monday, no need to try when in Brussels. I'll write a short bit about the whole weekend.

Update on the ankle: still a bit sore, but able to walk rather well in support 'sock' and high shoes that support the ankle. Brussels here I come!
Tuesday was wonderful! Shopping was great, spend too much money, but hey, I had a good time. Robbie Williams was absolutely magnificent! I had a big smile on my face throughout the whole gig!
Project POF is going strong. Living room and kitchen are done and look really good! Now starting on the hallway.

Well, that's me done. I'm going back to my book and my laundry!
Have a good weekend people!

Tragedy!

2009-10-18T13:41:00.000+02:00

Murphey's Law at its best: seriously spraining your ankle on the first day of your autumn break!
During your last running training where you had to run for 20 minutes and you were feeling pretty darned good about doing it! In the first lap tragedy struck!
The day before your first ever commercial shooting!
Right slam bam in the middle of Project Pimp Our Flat!
*sigh*
At first it hurt so much I couldn't even stand on it! I cried from pain and frustration. After sitting down for a bit, one of the trainers walked me back to my bike. Quite a walk on a sprained ankle that I could feel was swelling in my shoe. I called my bf and cycled home and then to the ER. X-rays were taken but nothing was broken or torn, luckily. It was just seriously sprained. So I got a pressure 'sock' and went back home.
I was just so hyped up, probably because of the frustration, I had to do something! So I put my wrapped up ankle in a bootie and went to the Ikea to buy some stuff to get on with the Pimping.
Don't think I should have done that, although I could walk pretty well on it by then. Afterwards it hurt like hell, once out of the shoe.
Today it still hurts, the swelling is still there (a nice egg like shape just above my ankle), it's stiff and I can't walk on it properly.
More tragedy since me and my bf are supposed to go to Brussels for the weekend! We leave this Friday.
And then there's Tuesday.....am going to Amsterdam with my best friend, to shop and in the evening to watch Robbie Williams live from London! His first ever gig in three years time! Yay! Luckily it's in a cinema so we can sit down, but shopping you do on foot.
*more sighs*
I hate Murphey's Law.

Change up ahead!

2009-10-12T12:18:00.000+02:00

This morning my parents in law came around at 7.30 to start work on the project we'd like to call: Pimp Our Flat.
Project POF consists of painting the whole lot, wallpapering some walls, some minor DIY and a good de-cluttering. All this to make our 1 bedroom flat ready to sell.
I've lived here for 6 years now, the last one with my bf. We're doing OK in this small flat, but I'm starting to feel uneasy. I want to move on with my life.
Ever since I was 19, I have lived in small studenty places and now that I'm 30 and having a steady relationship, I would like to live in a 'grown-up' house with 3 bedrooms and a garden.
Hence project POF.
Once the flat is sold we're going for a new house. We already know that it won't be really big or anything, we don't have that kind of money. But a small house, 3 bedrooms and a garden of some sorts is possible. I can't wait to get to live in it!
Before that, though, there is so much to do and to organise. After project POF, we need a real estate agent and we need to sell the flat. That ould take some months, but we know that. Not a problem. Then there's the whole showing your house to strangers.....very weird idea. After we've sold the flat there are houses to visit and hopefully a nice one to buy. Say hello to trips to the bank....and then there's the actual moving itself. Maybe the new house even needs to be Pimped too. Not to mention all the legal things concerning the new owners of the flat.......it's all a lot to take in.
I know I shouldn't dream that much, because I'll only stress myself out that way, but isn't it wonderful dreaming of a new 'phase' in your life?

Talking about new phases....running is going great! I have to run for 20 minutes coming Saturday. I don't know if I'll be able to do that yet, but I'm definitely going for it!
I finally lost 0,5 kilo last week! Yay! Hopefully my body is now ready to shed the fat again. Due to the inlaws being around this morning I didn't get a chance to weigh myself. Next week. Maybe then there will be a big loss! ;)
I did have a lovely dinner with friends on Saturday evening. I made this spectacular delicious chocolate pie for desert called: Death by Chocolate. Really, it was to die for! Hopefully that pie didn't do too much damage, but I don't think it did anything good for my weight! LOL. It was delicious, though, and I enjoyed every bite of it.

Anyraod, the inlaws have gone and now I'm going to continue Project POF with de-cluttering my living room. Wish me luck!
And all the good luck to you all this week!

Fashion addict

2009-10-03T17:14:00.001+02:00

Still not loosing much weight. :( Lost 0,3 kilos in the last 2 weeks. That's nothing compared to what I know I can loose with the way I've been living (read: eating) for the last 6 weeks. I did the exact same thing before and I lost round and about 0,5 kilos every week!
So is it really the muscles from all the running, cycling and swimming? I have to believe it is, because if it isn't I don't know what to do. My body looks like it is changing, I even feel it is. I feel lighter, tighter and fitter. But why isn't there any 'proof' then? I can't figure it out.
I'll ask my diet coach in three weeks time. Hopefully I'll have lost more weight by then. But I feel so skeptical and it's taking quite a lot of energy to stay positive.

On the positive side, though. I was rather dreading this morning's running clinic. After all the warming up and the running technique exercises came the actual running bit. This week we only got 1 minute of walking in between the running!! Only one minute!! Oh no! I am so used to the two minutes, I still need the two minutes!!
But I did it! I did it! Am so proud of myself! In 'hilly' terrain even! We did 6,5,4,3,2,3 minutes of running with one minute walking in between each 'session'. It was really tough, but I persevered, and I never stopped to walk! Others did, but not me! Oh how good I felt!
Not so now....am totally knackered. Need a good massage......*looks longingly at boyfriend....he doesn't budge...sigh* My legs feel like they're made of jelly. 'Homework' for this week is running 5,6,7,5,3 minutes with two minutes walking. I can do that. No worries.

Remember I would clean/clear out my wardrobe last Sunday? I did and I threw away so much, yet my wardrobe is still packed! LOL. I've got so much clothes.
Somehow I've found loads of really nice clothes the last year or so. Plus sized fashion is finally picking up and there are more clothes for younger women to wear. Before it was much more orientated on older women in plus sizes or the clothes were just not really completely fashionable. I could make me angry. I guess somebody took notice and finally thought about what sort of clothes young plus sized women would like to wear.
There's plenty out there over here and I just can't resist the temptation sometimes. Well sometimes....almost every Saturday. *shame* Yes, I'll admit it, I am a fashion addict.
I love to look good. I know how to dress and what looks good on me. I love clothes. Nothing wrong with that, right? Until you're talking to a colleague about fashion and clothes and she asks me if I'm only buying so much clothes because I want to feel good about my body? Maybe I would like to cover up the fact that I'm plus sized? Excuse me? It's OK for a normal (what's normal anyways?), slim women to be a fashion addict, but if you're plus sized and buy loads of clothes you have a problem with the way you look? Bulls***! I told her so. I like clothes. Period. OK I like them too much, I really need to stop buying.
I made a list of what essential items I was still missing in my wardrobe for this fall/winter season. Not many, really. My style this winter will be feminine yet sporty:
- t-shirts (short sleeved that I bought this spring/summer) combined with lovely woolen cardigans.
- leggings worn under a short denim skirt or tunic/dress. I like leggings best, because they fit better than pantyhose. With socks and boots nobody will notice. With pumps or flats it'll look cute too.
- long shirts and tunics-dresses. Worn with jeans, denim skirts, flared trousers or if you can pull it of with leggings.
- Waistcoats. I love them! I've only got one at the mo, but I want a jeans one. Easy to combine.
- Colour scheme: dark blue, petrol blue, grey, black, purple and some brown.

This weekend is all about relaxing. We've got nowhere to go. We can sit on the couch all weekend if we want to. There' some schoolwork to be done and some chores too, but that's it. The weather is dreadful right now. It's really autumn now. I adore the colours at this time of year. We'll stay inside. Cups of warm tea, candles and just being together. Yum!

Have a good weekend!

Good week!

2009-09-26T18:04:00.003+02:00

Before I start telling about my week, I'd like to thank all the people that commented on my last post. I wasn't going to quit, but your comments did help getting my spirits up. Thank you so much!

I've been a really good girl this week. Had 3 meals a day, 2/3 snacks a day and I tried to drink more. As I'm writing this I realise I have to get something to drink as I've been without a drink for too long now. Let me get a new bottle of light fruit lemonade, I can't stomach plain water.
Right that is the drink done. My boyfriend is cooking at the mo. I can smell the garlic, mushrooms and red peppers he's using for our spaghetti. Yum! My stomach is waking up now. Hihi!

I had a lovely run training this morning. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do everything as I was knackered!
I have had a very busy week so far and I got home at a quarter past twelve last night!
I went to my primary school reunion last night! It was such a blast from the past! All these memories that came rushing back! I had a good time at primary school. So coming back was great. Too bad not many people from my class were there, only five in total. My sister's class was worse, though, only three! But it made me realise what good fun it would be to see everybody again. So I started an online community for my old class on Hyves (Dutch Facebook kind of thing). Hopefully we are able to trace almost everybody and get together sometimes.
It also made me realise that I'm dreading my secondary school reunion in November. I know, what are the odds, right? I didn't have a terribly good time at secondary school because I never really fit in anywhere. I did have friends, plenty of them, but all in different groups. Ah well, I'm going there and I'll just see what happens. Maybe I'm making it bigger than it really is.
Apart form the reunion, the school that I work at celebrates it's 50 year existence this year as well! So we had an official start of festivities this week.
And then...on Thursday I had to do an audition for a commercial. The casting agency called on Monday, so a bit short notice, but I went. It was such fun! I'm going to hear if I made it this coming week, so fingers crossed. If I make it I have to film next weekend.
All in all, a pretty hectic week for somebody trying to come back from a burn-out. No wonder I'm knackered right now. But I'm not going anywhere anymore today. I'm going to hang on the couch in front of the telly tonight, watching Strictly come Dancing on the BBC. I lurv that show! My 'sin' this week are a mix of lightly salted peanuts. Yum!
Tomorrow I'm going to clear out my wardrobe. I've got too much clothes and I'm not wearing everything. The rule to clearing out: if you haven't worn it in the last six months....throw it away!
I hope I can stick to the rule because I can always think of at least three reasons for not throwing some clothes away.
Have a good weekend people! I'm off to have dinner.....it smells heavenly!

Minor glitch

2009-09-21T15:02:00.002+02:00

Just 100 grams lost this week. That's practically the only loss in the last three weeks! I'm getting worried now. I've been exercising my butt off for the last four weeks with no results to speak of! What is going wrong?
I discussed this with my 'diet coach' last Thursday and she said that maybe my body needed to get used to the new regime. But four weeks? That's pretty long. Before the summer holiday my body didn't need that long to get used to some small changes I made in my diet. I lost at least 0,5 kilo each week!
I'm doing pretty good with my diet/eating habits. I 'sin' once every week, but that's OK. I don't feel guilty about that. Well, not until today. Maybe I should quit that too. But I can't, because that would be totally going against my goals.
The funny thing is, other people have been giving me compliments on my weight loss....but there is no weight loss! On top of that, I feel like I am loosing weight, my body is feeling 'lighter' and 'tighter' if you get me. So what is going on?
Only thing I can think of is that my muscles are coming back and they weigh more than fat. But even then I should be seeing some results. In my centimeters for example (I keep track of my measurements), but even they are not budging at all!
I've been really positive so far, but I need some results soon or I'm going to need to work hard on staying positive. I might even be tempted to just quit and be done with it. *sigh*
I don't want to quit. I'm doing good, but I would like to see some results and conformation that I am actually doing some good.
Anyroad, enough complaining already. I can only do my best, nothing more. A dip now and then is perfectly all right, just as long as they don't take too long! ;)

Run Forest Run!

2009-09-15T21:10:00.001+02:00

If you'd told me a year ago that I would have been running for two months by now, I would have told you to check yourself in at the nearest loony bin. Seriously, in my book, running was for very highly, immensely, weird people! I would see them running on their precious Sunday morning, at f*ing 8 o'clock, and I'd declare them legally brain dead. Who in their right mind would voluntarily do that?
In my mind I couldn't run, my body wasn't made to run, I hated running, I could not do it, period.

And then I changed my life. Apart from swimming once a week and cycling to work, I started walking/hiking. I loved it! It started off as a way of reducing my stress levels, but it turned out into a hobby. My boyfriend and I walked in the dunes and even took on 16 km routes in other areas of the country. Beautiful countryside came our way.

Then the summer holiday came along and swimming and cycling to work stopped for seven weeks. What was I to do? I had recently discovered that I actually was a sporty girl, even though I had always thought I wasn't. Inspired by a colleague I decided to sign up for Start to Run. Six meetings in which you are taught to run and train. In six weeks time you should be able to run for 20 minutes or about 3km. But I couldn't run for even 30 seconds! What was I to do?

So for the last eight weeks I've been preparing myself for the Start to Run meetings. I started off with running 1 minute and then walking for 2. Eight times. Last week I could run for 3 minutes! This Saturday will be the second Start to Run meeting. In six weeks time I will be able to run for 20 oh so long minutes! I can't wait! I actually like it! Maybe not all that much when I'm actually doing it.....then it's more like:" Why am I doing this again? What the.......am I doing here???" But afterwards the feeling is brilliant!

I prepared myself well for this. I searched high and low on the internet for information on running. All website recommended that I not start running with my overweight. That I should start walking or cycling first. But I had been doing that already! So I just went for it. Got the good shoes, the right bra (big cupped girls....this is heaven... Bravissimo check it out) and some tolerable clothes.
Yes, it's hard, running with my weight. Yes, I've had some minor pains, but nothing serious, nothing that I wasn't expecting as a beginner runner.
But, boy.....do I feel good! I haven't lost any weight yet ( a minor disappointment) but I've been told that it will come. My body does feel somewhat 'tighter' if you know what I mean. And during swimming, cycling and hiking I feel better too. Life is physically good!

Just for you curious lot...
Monday: running (morning) and swimming (night)
Tuesday: cycle to work (30 km)
Wednesday: cycle to work and running (late afternoon)
Thursday: cycle to school
Friday: cycle to school
Saturday: running (morning)
Sunday: Hiking when we feel like it.

Looking forward to my running tomorrow!

To eat or no to eat....

2009-09-11T19:56:00.001+02:00

...that's the question big people wanting to loose weight have to ask themselves every single minute of the day, sometimes.
If I am more precise....'Do I have to eat?' or 'Do I want to eat?' or 'Why do I want to eat?'
It's not about being on a diet....it's about making choices.

Let me explain. I've been overweight, fat, big, whatever you would like to call it, ever since I was a child. I've tried to loose weight every single year of my adult life. Tried so many different 'diets'. But it never stuck. And if I did loose weight it happened at periods in my life that I actually wasn't trying to loose weight. Go figure!
Since a year and a half I'm in a relationship and this month we've been living together for a year. We both like food, we're both overweight and when we're together......you get the picture. It got out of control.
I didn't like eating anymore, I wanted to stop, I wanted to loose weight and be fit. I wanted to be the person I knew I could be. It took a burn-out to get me into this state of mind. Possibly not the best way to get there, but it happened and it worked.

I made the choice to better my life. To stop eating too much and the wrong things. I made the choice to enjoy my food. I made the choice to exercise more. I made the choice to be the person I want to be.

I'm not on a diet. I don't even want to be. I want to be able to eat healthily, to enjoy eating and to learn to make the correct choices. Being on a diet won't let me do that.
So I don't loose weight very quickly, but I'm doing it while feeling good. I once in a while enjoy chocolate and other 'bad' things because I choose to. And I enjoy them so much more than before! I am now able to open a bag of crisps, only eat a portion and put the rest away!
I cycle to my work four days a week (about 30 km a day), swim every Monday and run three times a week! I feel great!

I haven't lost much, only about 3,5 kg in 8 months. I lost 5, but then the summer holidays came along...really bad I know, but I made a choice to enjoy the weeks off and not feel guilty. I knew I was able to loose the weight and so after the holidays I started making healthy choices again. I had gained about 2kg and since I have lost 0,5 kg again. I have not felt guilty about the summer. That's something I have also learned, not to feel guilty, but enjoy. Feeling guilty won't help.

Loosing weight is extremely private and individual. This works for me, a diet might work for somebody else. We have all made a conscious choice to change our lives and make them better.

Righ tnow I'm going to enjoy my Latte Macchiato and my bag of Maltezers. The lovely crunchy, light chocolate balls......yum! In a few moments I'm going to close the bag and put it away.
I feel great!

Succes at last!

2009-09-05T20:08:00.000+02:00

Soooooo.....the boyfriend has just left the building. Gone to a b-day party and leaving me blissfully alone to write my blog. Lovely.
Finally some success in the running clothes department today! I started running 7 weeks ago. As a big girl I had had some trouble finding something even half decent to wear, but it was something. All cotonny and therefor wrong, but I didn't know yet. I did do well with the sportsbra (check out Bravissiomo on the web, they're brilliant!) and the running shoes, but clothes.....
The running virus took me quite quickly, against all odds, and I found myself wanting proper running clothes. You'd think that these days it wouldn't be that difficult, seeing as more and more Plus Sized clothing stores open their doors. You'd be soooooo wrong!
Plus sized clothing stores don't sell specific running clothes. So it's off to the regular sports shops and they don't do plus sizes. They say they do, but they don't. Their idea of Plus sized is an XL, 44-46, 16-18, kind of size, but not my 48-50/20-22! The faces of the those young shop assistants as I asked them for running clothes in my size! Priceless and yet at the same time very frustrating.
Finally after 5 weeks I found some good pants. This particular sports shop (Perry Sports) only does pants in my size, not shirts or anything else.
Then last week, after some more weeks of wandering the stores, I bought two men's fitness shirts at Decathlon. They're not perfect, but they will do for now.
But what about when it's raining? Or cold and windy? I needed something that would keep me warm and dry, but sweaty. A nice running jacket. After trying on about 15 in the last weeks, today I finally bought one that has a two way zipper and will actually fit comfortable around my hips and tummy. Yay!
For now my outfit is complete, but it took me seven weeks and what I bought isn't really what I wanted in the first place. I can hear you thinking; what about the internet?
Well, if you live in the USA you're lucky! Plenty of websites where you can order very good running clothes. Even running clothes in plus sizes that were actually rather cute and fashionable. Yet, if I order them and get them shipped to Europe it'll cost me an arm and a leg.
So my frustrated conclusion must be that the fashion industry and sports labels don't want plus sized people exercising or doing sports. It's like plus sized people are expected not to have a fashion sense and not to be sporty. But I am one of them, I am the exception on the expectations and I'm not the only one! Come on world of fashion and sports, wake up and smell the coffee, there is money to make with (sports) clothes for plus sizes!
I would like to get the same chance of exercising and losing weight as a size 8 woman! I want to be able to choose!

Right. Rant over. I got the stuff, but it still ticks me off. I know all the reasons the sport clothing people will throw at me, but I don't care. It's not right and it's not fair. Give us a choice!

Tonight it's me, some fruit and a BBC costume drama. Lovely!

Robbie is back!

2009-09-04T10:42:00.001+02:00

Just very quickly, this just HAS to get up on my Blog, massive Robbie fan as I am......the new Robbie single and piece of the new video! *Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel* (See sidebar)
You can hear the new single on his website. I don't have an opinion just yet, only listening to it for the second time just now.....only thing I can say is: It's Robbie but different.

Not the first time.

2009-09-03T19:41:00.002+02:00

This is not my first Blog. I've had one or two (can't really remember) apart from Hyves (Dutch version of Facebook), Facebook and Myspace. I only have Facebook and Hyves up and running but there is something missing.....a good way to Blog.
So why do I feel the need to start another Blog now, when I failed before?
Because my life is changing....rapidly. I've turned 30, had a burn-out, am living together, planning to sell my/our flat, am finally giving loosing weight a good try, discovered that I'm actually rather sporty.....there's so much. And time is going by too fast.
I don't think I'm alone in this and for me a Blog would be a way to vent my feelings, but also to (hopefully) attract people in the same situation and maybe 'help' each other.

There's so much I could blog about even now, but that would make this first blog a bit of a give away and way too long. I can give you a hint though,........loosing weight, being overweight, running, teaching, kids, parents, sex, relationships, changing morals and everything else that a thirty-year-old woman comes across in her life.

What is running through my head now is the frustration I feel as an overweight woman trying to get into sport but not finding any good and proper sports clothes in my size. More on that later.